𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐘 | callum turner

012, final resting place

My head dips and I'm staring back at a blank page as I cough on my choked up tears. I can feel him look at me a little longer in my peripheral, but he soon shifts his attention away from me.

I feel a presence enter the decking, looking up at Chiara who offers me a smile before sitting down next to me — us having becoming that close that I don't feel weird when her head immediately tilts so her cheek sits on my sun brushed shoulder.

" you seem sad." her breath whispers, low enough to nobody hears her. I shake my head softly and push my glasses up the bridge of my nose when I realise they're slipping slightly.

Exhaling " I'm fine chi." I try to tell her, but although she hums — I know she doesn't believe me.

" it won't last." she tells me, and I turn my head with slightly furrowed brows " what won't last Chi?" I ask and she tilts her head.

I know what she's pointing to, and yet I'm naive enough to let my eyes follow. How the man I am in love with ( maybe) holds onto someone I can't even hate even if I wanted to. She's sweet, and kind, and I can't fault her if I wanted too ( which I want to).

How his arms slip around her waist, chin burrowed into the crease of her neck. It's like us, how we used to be. The smiles that curve on their face whilst my eyes well up.

If only I had just realised this months ago, that night in cornwall — my birthday, on the beach — if only I had let my eyes linger down to his lips just a second longer, if only he had moved in and if only I had let him. Before Drew, before Olivia, before we both fell in love with each other without the other wanting to or even realising.

That would be us, we'd be holiday and we'd spend our days in each other's arms either in bed or lying on a sun lounger

We'd invite our friends and our family, but we'd show up a few days earlier just to enjoy time alone — this would be our time when we're away from our schedules and are finally in the same place for longer than forty eight hours.

And in those days we'd listen to music as one of us sleeps and the other begins to read the massive pile of books that we'll never finish no matter how long we were there for . We'd go out to restaurants and even attempt to cook dinner a couple nights, we'd hold hands in the street, he would kiss my head when we're looking at the ocean from the balcony of the house.

That would be the crook of my neck he puts himself in, it would be my waist that his arms wrap around. He would be mine.

He would be all mine.

Only brought out of my day dream and placed ever so cruelly back into reality but the tear that slips from my eye. I lift my hand to catch it, but I'm too late as it rolls down my cheek and fall off of my chin to make a splotch on the pair of shorts I'm wearing.

" Olly?" Chiara says, a little louder than a whisper and with so much worry that it makes eyes turn — a pair of eyes in particular that can read me even with the protection of my sunglasses that I push up to the top of my head.

A pair of eyes I can't look at so I stand up and shoot my friend a smile " be right back." I lie, placing down my script and beginning to walk away.

Chest heavy as I enclose myself in the nearest bathroom. Hands shaking slightly as I pull the lock across and let my palms fall flat against the cold marble of the sink.

I breathe, in through my nose and out through my mouth. It's a process I repeat until I feel better, enough to function as a human being as I stare at myself through the mirror.

Pale skin, red nose, blotchy eyes. My lips downturned as I look at the small necklace that sits on my chest. Lifting one hand to begin squeezing the small charm between the pads of my index finger and thumb.

Why didn't I realise sooner?
I loved that man for so many years, why did the thought of being in love with him cross my mind? even once?

There's been moments, enough where we could have become something. That night on the first day we met — but then again, if it was that soon we'd never of had that friendship.

And there's a knock at the door, my heart turns sharply. Him? he's always had a thing for trying to cheer me up, but that was after whatever happened happened between us.

I reach for the handle, opening the door — hating the feeling of deflation in my hopes when I notice Drew stood in the doorway. His smile sad yet soft as I smile back, because I do love him. I just love someone that teeny bit more.

" Chiara said you were a bit upset, figure I'd find you hiding in some bathroom." his hands wrap around my waist as I feel guilt seep into my bones as I feel my eyes go teary.

His small smile drops as he hovers down slightly
" hey, hey-" he says beginning to wipe the droplets off of my face.

I can't stop the tears, because I know whats coming. As I shake my head whilst my brilliant boyfriend who I love so fucking much looks at me with those beautiful eyes I have stared into every morning and night for the last year as I exhale through my mouth.

" I'm so sorry Drew." I sob as I shake my head, he shakes his head, confused yet slightly scared.

" for what olly? what's going on?" he asks and I pull him in, taking advantage of the way his arms slip around and hold me with no hesitation. How much he loves me and I love him and how much our love exists before I ruin it all.

" I love you." I whisper, my final prayer at the alter of our relationship. Where our love will die and this is all that will remain. This moment, this place is its final resting place.

he laughs lightly " I love you too you idiot, what's going on?" he pulls away and looks at me.

The last moment. Before I fuck it all up.

AUTHORS NOTE

sorry for the cliff hanger xx

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