dear satoru | stsg

00

december 20, 2006

i want to say i'm sorry for doing all of us but i can't bring myself to say sorry.

but i do want to apologize for everything else. i'm sorry i couldn't bring myself to tell you how i was feeling. i know you cared. you asked me countless times if i was okay but the words i wanted to say wouldn't come out

i don't know how im ever going to bring myself to look you in the eyes ever again

before i knew it, i falling further and further behind until i couldn't reach you anymore

i love you, satoru.

i know we both haven't said anything but i know you know

my life was boring and unsettling ever since i was a little boy. these monsters would follow me everywhere and even my parents thought i was crazy at some point

but everything was real and i hated it

swallowing curses is something i wouldn't want to wish upon even my worst enemies

every time i have to do it, i want to throw up because no one else in the world knows what it is like to swollen a cause

but whenever i see you playing with the cruses that i summon; especially the rainbow dragon

whenever i see you pressing your forehead against hers, seeing her purr and your smile

it makes ingesting the curses tolerable

knowing that you have a special bond with my cruses and seeing you enjoy your time with them, it makes it all worth it

i try to hide my stupid smile whenever you say. stupid joke, trying to impress me and shoko. or whenever you beg me to buy you your favorite sweets and get so so happy when i actually do

i don't care about your special technique or your crazy baby blues that others seem so obsessed with

even if you didn't have any of that, i would still love you

you made my miserable life brighter than anything else in the world

i wish to god everyday that we met on normal circumstances

that's what we deserved.

after everything the two of us went through, i wish we just ran away together. somewhere so far far away where no one knows us and we can live peacefully together

but we can't

you're too far now. so far away that i can't catch up anymore

you were always untouchable, satoru.

i know you probably have so many emotions about me. mostly hatred, which i can't blame you

but please understand me, satoru

nothing is the same after what happened and i truly i want to die

i wish you could just end my miserable life

so please, just curse me one last time or better yet, please kill me satoru

- geto suguru