yours truly

chapter 1

MARIANNE VAN DEN BERG 

I have a bad habit of running away from things. every problem, every situation, everyone i love, i run away every time. all my life i have been running. for everything. until now as i stand in front of the one person who i ran away from the most. the one thing in my life i pledged to leave behind in the past. it's really a thing about past, how it crawls up no matter how deep you bury it. God it really did not like what i was feeling. 

I have seen things in life, bad part-time jobs, not being able to afford a roof, cloths, health, education, I knew every insult like the back of my palm. but all of those things didn't make me feel as i do now. I felt the most worthless standing here, in front of the whole fucking world. I feel sick as my dress feels tight and now i just felt so unwanted and out of pl- 

"uh..so the groom should say his vows"

"I know it hasn't been that long but, Often, I'd picture us, holding hands and watching movies, sitting on benches old oak trees. hearing your laugh throughout the day, and catching you smile. when you think I don't see, and all I can do is hope that when you close your eyes your mind is filled with thoughts of me. i will immortalize you here, i can write a whole book about your laugh. i will put you in a pedestal, so high and mighty, not just your looks, not just your eyes, i will write about your entirety. i am in love with you. and i will stand by you, through health and happiness, sickness and prosperity, but most importantly i will be the home you come to, after every race, after every win, after every lose, just after every exhausting day. and i never had a home, i will go above and beyond to make you feel like you have one. after all home is where you end up without trying right.

yours truly, 

marianne van den berg"

I was stoned to the ground. i had no fucking idea how to respond as max just recited a 11 year old, cringe fest, of a letter that i gave him out loud, in front of everyone. as his wedding vows. holy shit. he remembered. as i struggled to find my words i saw a smirk grow on his face.

oh so this was what all of it was about, just to annoy me. verstappen really had the habit to go lengths just for my attention. but another bad habit of his was not knowing how to deal with my attention once he finally had it. now that he is begging for it, i should return the favor. max was always like this, rebellious, egoistic, and he never cared. just never cared enough. 

Isabell , my bride of honor, slips the vows i wrote for the wedding into my hand obviously indicating it was my turn to make my vows. but i return it. verstappen was asking for it at this point, so i should give him what he wants. i take the mike and take a deep dive into my memories. 

" I want you in the bluntest way. I want your lips, your hands, your arms. I want you the way the ocean wants the shore, constantly reaching and running back. I want you the way rain wants to fall, the way sun wants to shine, the way words want to be read. I want you to infinity, to the millionth degree, no amount of rain could douse the fire I have in me for you. It never occurred to me that seeing someone smile could be so enchanting, your smile was like the cherry blossom. I was transfixed. I just couldn't take my gaze off you. i am not a poet, not a writer that you deserve but if poems are what you need, i can go hours and hours to write for you. i am not a soldier but if you'd like i would go to war for you. i may not be a good guy but i will try to pull my self into something of a man for you, a man you deserve. WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU CANNOT BE CONVEYED IN PHRASAL COMBINATIONS; IT EITHER SCREAMS OUT LOUD OR STAYS PAINFULLY SILENT BUT I PROMISE — IT BEATS WORDS. IT BEATS WORLDS. THIS HEART BEATS ONLY FOR YOU.

yours truly, 

max verstappen. " 

the look on his face was priceless. everyone clapped, confused, but i didn't care. the look on max's face when he realized i remembered the letter he wrote me 11 years ago, word to word was fucking worth it all. yeah, i get it is embarrassing to remember your first love's letter by heart but the way max's face went red really paid it off. and he remembered my letter too, he remembered my letter even better then i recall it.

our poor wedding officiant was confused by our strange vows, but he just went ahead. 

"Max Emilian Verstappen, do you take Marianne Van Den Berg, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"i do"

"and Marianne Van Den Berg, do you take Max Emilian Verstappen as your lawfully wedded husband?"

for fuck's sake where has my life come to, i think as i say, 

"i do"