Silent Killer: A Piece by A Soldier Battling Mental Health

I see it on the daily. I see it everywhere. It's not something that just comes and goes, and it doesn't just happen here and there. This thing spreads like a virus. It doesn't care about age or gender. It can take away the strong willed or even the soft and tender. It comes and preys on innocent beings like a stalker in the night. The way it snatches, innocent helpless souls without a care in the world is enough to give anyone the feeling of fright. Many battle long and hard for many, many years, but unfortunately many fall victims to this silent killer. They end up losing their battle and causing their loved ones heart aches and many many tears. Those that are still battling the silent killer are putting up a long hard and exhausting fight against this invisible monster who only causes nothing but pure pain. How this Beast affects so many people is just too complex to try to explain. It affects everyone in all kinds of different ways. The biggest torment for most is hoping that there is a solution or cure praying that they can find a way. How can I describe such a horrible heartless invisible Beast? I can only share from my own experience and encounters because my battle and journey have increased. You see, I've been a long time soldier battling against the silent killer ever since I was a young child. At first it wasn't so bad and the battle against this monster was quite visibly mild. At first I never really noticed or cared enough to realize what it was that I was about to take on. I had no idea how hard this battle really truly was going to be. Until all my trauma started to affect me once I actually hit my teens. Everything I suffered I did it all in silence. I got so used to suppressing my emotions and bottling things up because to me it wasn't rocket science. Suppressing, bottling, and ignoring my traumas was something I did until this day still do pretty well. Little did I know at the time that this behavior pattern would bring me total hell. Becoming a victim of this silent killer at such a young age affected me in many ways. I became a fighter at such a young age trying to take things day-by-day, hoping it got better over time. I tried to stay hopeful and remain very firm but, sadly I learned the hard way this battle was long-term. This silent killer has many names, disguises, and forms. The main name it's known for is depression. As far what it feels like I can only best describe it metaphorically. It's a feeling I don't wish upon even my worst enemy. It's a very bipolar and contradicting feeling. It's begging on my knees to please stop and go away even though I'm not even kneeling. It's like wanting to go on an adventure, but also having no desire to leave your house. It's like you mentally want to get up and start your day but mentally and physically, you can't find the strength to barely get up out of bed. It feels like you want to make friends but also hate socializing. It's like wanting to accomplish goals with no desire to actually do so. This silent killer there's no real escape, There's no one to save you from it, No super hero wearing a Cape. So many times I have tried to free myself to no Avail. To be completely transparent well... I would rather rot in jail. The worst part is battling the demons and the voices in your head. They try so hard and tirelessly to convince you, you are better off dead. There's been many times they almost succeeded with me through many means...But there's always been an angel beside me who always intervenes. How long can and will this angel continue to protect me though? A question I often ask myself... If I did take my own life does that mean I would go to hell? I end by giving a piece of advice, Check on loved ones Asked them if they are okay and lend them your ears to vent to...it could end up saving their life.