Dear Diary

21 - 22 Jan 2024

Dear daily,

As the days get closer to the vacation, I still have a lot of things on my mind that is like weights pulling me down or question marks that make me lose direction.

Every evening/night the same thing happens and that is when my mom and sister start to yell for the 100th time already. I'm getting annoyed by it and also wanna move further away from them.

My sis playing too much on her PS, but she does her homework and that's good. But the fact she still will be playing till 5 am is too much. I know she wants some freedom and want to do things when and what she wants but that will come when she ages. We are still in our mom's house so it's her rules and household, we help to move forward but lately, it's Always been backward or stopped moving as we are all busy with school, work, or something else.

I still am working on my seasoning scarf but my mom is using my needles to knit. I like that she is also trying to do something back that she didn't have done for ages.

Today I also heard from my sister that one of my exes is still caring for me and I am kinda still too but I wanna wait for him to say it and not rush anything. Because he is my first one that felt like a whole relationship back then when we were younger. Now I am an adult and he is more understanding than before, he was always understanding but now it's more than in the past.

We had one long talk in VC as he had with my bestie because it's always better to have someone to talk to when you're down or when things happen in real life. My mom and sister were arguing with each other and he heard everything. I explained things and he understood and told me that it was a tricky situation we were in. It made me calm when he talked about how he couldn't do anything for us but that he wanted to be a listening ear and summarize what the problem might be with the ones who started to argue.

I always try to be better when isn't up to me, because I didn't do anything wrong in the situation. I try every day to take care of my family (mom and sister). Try doing the laundry, dishes, and cleaning, but I feel that it is getting harder and harder to do it on my own.

Well, that is what concerns my heart and is finally out, I'll now go to my dreams to maybe find something interesting in them and who knows maybe I will find a solution in all of it.

Good night world

XxxxxAmberL