Willy Wonka x Reader

The Oompa-Loompa

"Well then, young man, allow me to refresh your memory, in the form of a song so ruinously catchy that it may never leave your mind," he says.

He cleans out the piccolo with the tube brush, then puts the tube brush back inside his coat. He plays a little tune on the piccolo.

Oh, no, he's gonna sing! I think.

(Third Person POV)

"Oh, I don't think I wanna hear that," Willy tries to tell him.

But Lofty is already doing a strange, hypnotic dance inside the jar.

"Too late. I've started dancing now. Once we've started we can't stop, you see?" he says.

"Oompa-Loompa doompety-doo,
I've got a tragic tale for you.
Oompa-Loompa doompety-dee,
If you are wise you'll listen to me," Lofty sings.

*flashback*

A little boat is sailing toward a beautiful island.

"Dear Loompaland is both luscious and
Green,
But not conducive to growing the bean."

Willy travels through the island, and he spots a tree with four cocoa beans. He picks the cocoa beans and leaves, not seeing a sleeping Lofty behind it.

"My job was guarding what little we got.
You came along and pinched the lot!"

"Wait, why didn't you say something?"

"Well, perhaps I drifted off."

Two angry Oompa-Loompas approach Lofty, and he wakes up, suddenly feeling a little nervous when he sees them.

"Oompa-Loompa doompety-day,
When I awoke, they sent me away."

An Oompa-Loompa forces Lofty to a motorboat at spear point.

"I'm disgraced, cast out in the cold
Till I've paid my friends back a
Thousandfold!"

     Lofty waves goodbye to his friends before following Willy's boat.

"A thousandfold?! You've gotta be kidding
Me!"

"I repeat!"

*flashback ends*

"A thousandfold!" Lofty sings, ending the song with a funny pose.

"Huh. Wow. Um. . . Mr. Loompa, if you really think that's a reasonable penalty for taking three beans—" Willy starts to say.

"Four beans," Lofty interrupts him.

". . . four beans, then I'm sure we can come to some sort of understanding, but I can't give you my entire supply. I got people counting on me," Willy says.

"Hm. Very well. I'll tell you what. You let me out and we can discuss it like gentlemen, hm?," Lofty suggests.

"Alright," Willy agrees, thinking that's a good idea.

Wrong choice. Willy lifts the jar off Lofty, freeing him, and Lofty stretches a bit.

     "Ah, thank you. Now would you be so very kind as to pass me that, um, miniature frying pan?" he asks, pointing at one of the two frying pans hanging on the wall behind Willy.

"This one?" Willy asks, pointing at the smaller frying pan.

"No, no, the, uh, the heavier one," Lofty replies, pointing at the larger one.

"Alright," Willy says as he grabs the heavier frying pan.

(Author's note: Even I could see how this was going to go a mile away!)

He gives the frying pan to Lofty, who nearly drops it from the heavy weight.

"Thank you. Thank you—Ooh, I say. That is quite a beast, isn't it? Now come a little closer," Lofty says, and Willy leans in closer. "Closer, closer, closer. Come on now. Cosy on up."

Willy leans in a little closer.

"There we are," Lofty says—and then whacks Willy in the head with the frying pan!

"OW!!" Willy yells in pain, holding the spot on his head where Lofty hit him.

Lofty takes the opportunity to jump off the desk and grab the jar of chocolates. Before heading off to the window, he whacks Willy's ankle with the frying pan, causing Willy to yell in pain again and hold his ankle. Lofty then drops the frying pan and jumps onto the window ledge.

"Oompa-Loompas do not negotiate. Good day, sir," he says.

"But that's my last jar!" Willy protests.

"I said good day!" Lofty repeats, then uses the grappling hook to shimmy back down to the ground with the chocolates.

Willy stamps his foot in frustration.
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First of all, all who think Hugh Grant really nailed the role of an Oompa-Loompa, say "aye"! Second, I'm actually considering writing a Lofty x Reader story. Anybody think that's a good idea? Yea or nay?