MEMORI MORTI | gojo satoru

iii. family line

I dreaded coming home ever since I left. It felt like I was going backward to even be back here.

You can't talk while I'm here. I told Gyutaro. During these visits, he tended to be very vocal to me about how badly he wished to kill my parents and how stupid they were for not seeing how great I was. Each time he spoke, I could see the disgust clear on my parent's faces as if they knew what was going on in my head.

Whatever you wish, my dear. It was scary how I knew how true those words were in every aspect. The day I had tied myself to Gyutaro he had told me he was at my command. I didn't believe him until I summoned him for the first time and out of fear I told him to go away and within a heartbeat, he was back to wherever he stayed while he was in my mind. I didn't know where it was and I didn't know why he had made that vow so long ago but I refused to question it.

I pushed the door to the house open and was met with the smell of lavender. In the middle of the living room to my left stood my mom. Her dark hair was down, framing her face as she waved the sage around the room. I couldn't find it in me to fake a smile.

"Yuriko, I thought you'd be home later." Her eyes scanned me up and down twice as if she'd find something visibly wrong to give her a reason to kick me out. "Hi, mom." She placed the sage down and walked over to me. My mind flashed to the days when every time I came home she'd wrap me in a hug and ask me about my day with a kiss to the top of my head. But that was before.

Before I admitted to seeing curses. Before she started bringing me to church every Sunday and wearing cross bracelets and necklaces. Before all the psychiatrist visits. Before she stopped allowing me to be alone with my brother. Before the time she snuck into my room when she thought I was asleep and prayed for God to fix me.

That was before and this was now.

She walked over to me, not coming closer than an arm's distance. I noticed her swallow and start twisting her wedding ring around her finger. She gave me a tight smile and I thought of her once warm and true smile. Unable to hold her cold gaze any longer, I glanced down at the slippers. I saw my dad's grey ones, my mom's green ones, and Kaito's yellow ones, but not my pink ones. "I'll go get you the guest ones. Stay there." I watched her walk away, frozen in place. I couldn't wait to leave.

Even the air here felt different. Heavy and rough like it was trying to force me out. Each breath I took was hard. I glanced around the living room to see if anything else had changed and noticed a cardboard box. My mom came down the stairs with the black guest slippers. She placed them on the carpet near me. "Are you moving?" I didn't say we. There was no we.

She nodded. "This house has...rough memories. Not yet though. We want to start fresh when Kaito starts high school."

Rough memories like the time I had a breakdown because of the curse that was attached to my dad when he came home from work, when he would try and hug me and I would cry and kick and scream. And a fresh start because plenty of people around here knew me as the schizophrenic girl and Kaito as the schizophrenic girl's younger brother.

I nodded as I slipped on the slippers. "Is Kaito in his room?" I said one hand on the railing to the stairs. My mom looked hesitant like she wanted to tell me no but instead, she nodded and walked back into the living room. Before I started up the stairs I saw her muttering under her breath a prayer as she started to sage the house again.

The hallway I had grown up in no longer held any familiarity and instead felt like a distant memory. I didn't push open the door to my bedroom out of fear of what I'd see. Would they even bother to put the things I had left in boxes? I wonder if I'd get a room at the new house before pushing those questions away and knocking on my brother's door.