Hey, Cupid?

Falling out of love

Hey, Cupid? Do you have any more arrows to spear? I think I need a second dose, the last one wore off. Do you think you could shoot me again? So that I can fall back in love with him, feel that spark one more time, to save us from falling apart. 

I don't know how to explain it, I did love him, I really did. I loved him so much, but it was exhausting.

No one prepared me for this- Slowly falling out of love, feeling empty after we kiss. Every time I say ''I love you'' it's like I'm trying to convince myself. I know I loved you, I felt happy with you, but I don't know what happened- Slowly I started hating you.  So why are we still together?

We met years before, he was with one of my friends, and I was with one of his friends. We didn't notice each other very much until about 4 years later, within a month, I fell in love with him, I fell in love with him every time I saw him smile, and I constantly wanted to be around him, next to him- I craved him. It felt as though he loved me, with all his heart, I never had to share his gaze, I could always trust that I was all he wanted. He is perfect, good at everything he tries, school, work, cooking- There isn't anything he's bad at. Perfect on paper.

It was perfect- is- it is perfect. So why? Why can't I stay in love. I can feel it, I can feel it slipping away slowly. Every time he says something I would once classify as fine, is now just aggravating. 

"Please talk to me" he pleads, my back facing him. He's been pleading for days now. 

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I sounded annoyed but I wasn't. I don't want to sound like this, but how do you tell someone who is clearly trying his best to hold us together, that you no longer feel the same way you felt a year ago? 

" Weren't you the one who said, 'communication is key'? I learnt how to communicate with you, and now you are shutting me out. What did I do? " 

" It's not you, I am very frustrated right now, Could you please give me some space.? "  

"Could you please tell me what is frustrating you? We could work it out together, just talk to me and I can help. Please baby, I can't lose you, I love you.'' he doesn't know saying all of this is making it worse, making it harder for me. 

'' Stop, please- I can't do this right now.'' 

''At least tell me you love me back.'' 

''I love you too'' the words come out slow and heavy- 

He puts his arm on my shoulder, it's so cold I moved my body away from his touch- all the warm electricity is gone. He sits up, '' I'll give you your space, but I'm right here when you are ready'' he picks up his pillow and goes to the living room to sleep. I may not be looking at him right now, but i can tell his expression- I can feel how hurt he is. 

I can give you millions reason why being with him is the right choice, and why he is the best guy there is, but those millions of reasons still aren't enough.  I know he feels me slipping away, I'm the water in his warm cupped hands trying to keep me from falling. 

Did i deserve him