The Symphony

Tearful Goobyes

"Sarah it's-" "no. She can't just talk to you like that. It's a difficult situation all around but she has no right!" She cuts me off and I sigh deeply. "Of course you would defend her, she's your friend—but that doesn't make her any less of cunt for-" before the redhead can get another word, Sarah tries to lunge at her but luckily Cate was just a step behind and able to hold her back.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I feel a migraine coming on and their bickering begins to fade into unintelligible chatter. "ENOUGH" I yell and I think it's the loudest I've been in weeks with seems to startle everyone. Sarah stands up straight and brush the wrinkles out her skirt as her gaze is cast to the floor.

"Just... give us a moment alone, please" my voice is practically a whisper now as I plead with them and Sarah is reluctant but I just nod reassuringly. She glares at the redhead for a second before promptly leaving the room and the blonde is soon to follow. I lock eyes with her just before she closes the door and I smile, the corners of my mouth lifting only enough for her to notice.

The door shuts and it's silent for a while between us. I listen to her as she essentially bitches at me for leaving. She rambles about how careless I've been and complains of how I didn't call. Many questions are asked but they all feel rhetorical as she just continues talking anyway. It's only when she calls me selfish that I've had enough.

"Fuck you" I mumble and her seemingly endless flow of words stops, as if my words just turned off the tap. "Excuse me?" I scoff at her incredulous tone, I'll be damned if I apologize. "You heard me. Fuck. You. Do you have any idea the damn hell I've been dragging myself through? Just for you to come into MY home and—" I stop to take a deep breath, clenching my fists as my breathing shudders.

"Every single day I've thought of all the things I've done wrong in my life. And not a single one of those stands in comparison to what happened between us. It has been eating me alive. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I'm not in the best state of mind" I gesture around us animatedly, feeling my anger rise like a phoenix from ashes.

"And many times... many times—I thought death would be an easier choice than willingly subjecting myself to such torture but do you know why I didn't? Because I knew you'd find out and—even if we were to never speak again—I knew you would think it was your fault. And I couldn't bear my last deed on this earth resulting in you getting hurt. So sorry making a phone call want the first thing on my mind" I say through gritted teeth.

My face remained quite stoic throughout my vent but I couldn't hide the emotion in my voice, nor did I want to. She needed to know I meant every word. She's silent, avoiding my eyes at any cost. After a few minutes I'm fed up with the discomfort and the doorbell rings anyway, giving me a way out. Yet I don't move, feeling like my feet have morphed into cinderblocks.

The sound of the front door closing snaps me back into my body and I sigh. "I think it's time for you to go" I state calmly, having let go of the anger. Nothing remains other than a longing to rest. "But I-" "let it go Wilhemina. What's done is done" it pains me more than I can express to say these things to her but there's no other way. I'm entirely too broken to love her properly when I can't even find it in me to love myself.

"I don't understand, what are you saying?" She asks, her voice trembling slightly. "I don't know, Wilhemina. I don't know" I reply softly as I shake my head. "But you said-" "we both made promises and broke them all. How else did you expect me to react? Should I just sit here while you continue to tell me how much of a bad person I am? I know that already, Mina" I sigh.

"I-I never said you were a bad person... I don't—I don't think that" she whispers, "you may not have said those words, but it was heavily implied. Please don't treat me like I'm stupid. I know you, Wilhemina" I scoff. "Stop calling me that! You never call me that! Just... please, baby" she begs. "I can't" I whisper shakily, finally pulling on the handle and walking out the door.

Her footsteps quickly follow and I lead us to the front door. "You- you don't mean that" she mumbles with tears in her eyes, "I do" I state, holding the door wide open and gesturing for her to go. "Charlie, please" she begs and my owns eyes glaze over with tears but I keep up the facade, needing her to listen to my words. I simply motion with my hand again for her to go.

She lingers for a minute, I assume waiting for me to say anything else but when I don't she finally leaves. I close the door behind her, slowly turning the lock. I stand there for a moment just staring at the door until I hear her car pull away. I turn around to see Sarah and Cate standing in the entryway to the living room and I feel the wall cracking as I see the sympathy in their eyes.

A shuddered breath leaves my lips and before I can even try to hold it back, a sob rips from my throat. They rush over to help me to the couch as my knees go weak and whisper to me the classic things of how it's going to be alright. But we all know it isn't and it won't be. I never thought I could fuck up this bad...