What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter 1: Is this Hope?

They say when life gives you lemon, make lemonade. But can you really survive on lemonade each and every day? Well, my life is full of lemon and all that I'm doing is making lemonade at least trying to do that, but finally it all is just water with some citric acid but not even exactly lemonade. I just end up with a messier kitchen. There are days when those lemon are way too bitter, you cannot imagine making anything out of them. Anything at all. And you are completely lost.

Chaos in life doesn't happen one thing at a time. They come in waves. One after the other. At each time making it worse. Because to handle each one of them we are not getting any additional brain cells. There is always a limit even if we love to say there isn't if we are strong. And when it hits that point, apocalypse happens! Not a real one. Teeny tiny one inside one person's head. Nobody gets to see the chaos. But it's there. And for that single person it is apocalypse.

Is there anything worse that can happen after?

I was not sure even I was breathing for real. I was keeping my head on the small cozy table in my living room. Am I alive? Yeah, I should check my pulse time to time to figure that out. Because I literally went through hell. It did not happen suddenly. Here's what happened to me within last week.

1. I lost my best friend.

2. I lost my apartment.

3. I did not go to work for a week. And who knows what happened with that? Should be a miracle if I'm not unemployed now given certain circumstances.

4. I can't afford a coffee with my current financial status.

5. I made an eternal enemy, and I made sure the only path to my dream is now ruined.

6. And my counselor left the country! (Well talking about the perfect timing!)

And all that happened within a one single week. And you might be wondering how the hell I manage to make all of those happen to me in seven single days. That is how lucky I am! And I am pretty sure none of this is on anyone else. But it was totally me. And I can even list down the reasons.

I am impatient.

I am messy.

I am fragile. Means I can't handle mood swings.

I am careless.

I can go on...

The summary: It's all my own mess! Apocalypse I created myself.

"What the hell are you doing? You just did something this stupid? Was everything not enough? You want to completely ruin the little bit of life that's barely hanging?" Brian woke me from my philosophical dilemma.

Oh, here comes that. I was expecting this. But not right now. Brian my boyfriend was the only cool feeling I had in my burning mind and what I was expecting was something else. But people can't read minds. They say whatever they need before analyzing whether the listening party is ready for what they are about to say. After all he is human. I caused too much trouble, I dragged a whole lot of mess into his perfect, peaceful life as well. No one can blame for that temper.

"I have nothing to say Brian. Yeah, that was a mistake. And I apologized because that is all I can do now!"

"Oh yeah? That's what you can do in a situation like this? Why are you acting this careless?"

"I did not know it. I just tried. And I made a mistake. I'm sorry. We will find a way to recover that money. I'm going through many worse things. This is one of the least I care right now. Can you spare that for later?"