When Emma Falls In Love

𝟬𝟳. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗿𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗲

It's not just that, but also the fact that she seems to assume that you're either straight or gay. She mostly assumes everyone is straight though. Perhaps that's cause everyone in our family ( excluding me of course ) is straight. As you can tell, that took quite a toll on my mind back when I thought I was bisexual and it still does even know that I've figured out that I'm actually pansexual.

" Emma, get over here! Or else I'm gonna have to ground you from the laptop again! " My mom, for the 'last' time shouted loudly, except this time she was even more pissed than before. Fuck, I shouldn't have tested her temper, even if I wasn't doing so intentionally. I just always tend to get lost and drift away in my inner thoughts and disassociate from reality.

Yeah, I know, I'm about to head towards the dreaded kitchen to dance under the refrigerator lights whilst the top 40 radio station plays 'Cruel Summer' every thirteen minutes.

The Very Next Day....

When it comes to the Disney Princesses, I resonate the most with Cinderella.

Every single second of that classic movie is the story of my life. Perhaps not literally, since the mice that run and sneak around the creaks of kitchen cabinets won't ever turn into designated drivers, nor will the Pumpkins during Autumn poof into a carriage to take me away from this awful household. I also really doubt that my Godmother, who is my Aunt Lacy, is secretly a fairy with a magical wand that'll turn rags into beautiful, bountiful, blue dresses. 

Some may perceive my fascination with Cinderella as childish- naive even. Others joke about it in a friendly manner and nickname me ' Cinder Emma'. In my opinion, Ella seems to be so misunderstood by the media these days. 'Cinderella Snapped' by Jax may be a bop, but that doesn't hold me back from wishing others could see the Cinderella tale through my lenses.

I'm not even sure whether my best friend, Heather completely understands. They told me that they used to find Prince Charming annoying and partially still do. Geez, what does everyone hold against him? That's the one question I'm dying to know. I would love to meet my Prince if he exists. I used to wish Heather could b that person, but I guess not anymore. In fact I wrote a song, having Heather in mind when writing it.

( 2nd Verse )

Deep inside all my life, it's been constant lies

By those I once trusted and deemed good in

It turns out that even mothers treat their child in ways they shouldn't

Cause even emotional abuse sets trauma

I've been disillusioned to what legit love is

After 18 years of trying my best, I wasn't truly cherished

( Pre-Chorus )

All my parents ever did was manipulate me

Like I was a puppet with pulled strings

But you, my love, has set me free

I'm so glad you've found me

( Chorus )

You see, what I see in Ella is actually me

And I take comfort in knowing

That I too could receive my happy ending

And you might not be a prince

But you've brought forthwith a love that isn't wicked

Your love is actually different

It's pure and true, and ever since, I've been in love with you

( A/N: Song written is actually by me, the author. I own this song and please don't steal or claim as your own or else I'm suing. )

This is honestly one of the most vulnerable songs that I've ever written. In the past, I've written how heartbreak has changed my aspect of whether love exists for me, but honestly it's nothing compared to my shitty relationship with both my parents. In fact, I'm quite peaceful now regarding past romantic heartbreak. But just everything about the two related to me by blood... not so much. I don't really like to talk about it, I rarely ever do.

 I don't need a daily basis of excessive screaming and swearing and getting blamed for things. I don't need to feel like I'm not enough. It's literally 'the grudge' by Olivia Rodrigo, it's exactly like that. I just realized today how relatable that song is.

I never realized the damage done by parents can go on to haunt you when it comes to legit love. You don't feel worthy, and since you were never given true affection, sometimes love feels embarrassing and I cringe at affection when I say it. For some reason saying "I'm in love with you" scares me.

For a long time I went along with the crowd and "called out" Disney for the Cinderella tale. I never realized how relatable she is- just working so hard for her parental guardian yet never being enough, not being appreciated and they don't care, it's only their shit that matters and being treated shitty despite acting so loyal all the time.

Then you realize it doesn't have to be like that... You could actually be happy with someone who genuinely loves you regardless of anything.