I'm lying in my bed and thoughts of my ex keep coming into my mind. I'm doing my best to stay in a positive mindset. To live in the end but let go at the same time. It's kind of hard to understand what exactly it is that I need to do. But I've been told that as long as I persist, it's happening.
In manifesting, you are allowed to have bad days, weeks or even months.
If you persist in your belief, you are bound to get your manifestation.
The issue I recently discovered was resistance. I was causing it and couldn't see it for the longest time. I put my intention out there. Did the visualizations and everything. I even did spells. Like actual witchcraft to get my ex back. Yet I didn't realise that that was precisely what was causing resistance. And I'm still doing some of it because it's hard to get rid of.
But when you realise what living in the end actually means, you'll understand that it's not natural for someone who has a happy relationship to go and purchase a love spell casting on Etsy. Somebody who has it will not go and seek it. So the whole time I was manifesting. But I wasn't manifesting having my ex. I was manifesting trying to get him back and just attracting more of that meaningless draining effort.
So many times it seemed like it was about to happen and he was about to give in to his true feelings and want me again. Yet it never got quite there.
At first, it was just a little glimmer of hope. He got drunk and made out with me at a festival. Then I invited him to join me in my tent because I thought it'd be a good idea to be casual. I believed it'd bring us closer again. And it did. But I'll get to that later. He resisted the urge and even though he was drunk as hell, he didn't come to my tent to sleep with me. That was the first time I really saw the resistance. Well, I didn't realise it. I just thought it wasn't working. But it was. Just the fact that he talked to me and then made out with me, which I later found out turned down his chances for a hookup with another girl, meant it was working.
I wrote a short story before the festival. And some of it was fulfilled. But not all because I was resisting.
After the festival, he drove me home and as he dropped me off, we talked a bit about the journey that I went through since the breakup. I wanted to say sorry for some things I did wrong and tell him what I'd learnt and that I'd never suffocate him like that again if he just gave us a chance. He said that next time we'd see each other we could figure something out. Like a casual thing or whatever. He didn't want a proper relationship with anyone so it was the only option. And I was there for it because as long as I could have some of him, I wanted it. I was completely dependent on his breadcrumbs. Then he kissed me. Like properly kissed me. Sober.. so I thought that meant something. It was another up on my journey.
Not even two weeks later I found out that he told his friends he didn't wanna have anything to do with me. Resistance again. I was pushing too hard. Hoping too much. Obsessing over him so much it was energetically repelling. I didn't even have to contact him. Just the strong needy energy was enough.
Later in August, I hooked up with our mutual friend. A guy I share an apartment with and my ex's best friend. Yeah. I slept with my ex's best friend. Do I regret it? Kind of. Did it help me though? Yes. Plenty. It made me understand that I really didn't need my ex. That I in fact was capable of having sex with other people and that it could be decently good or even better in some ways. It helped me detach a tiny bit.
I kept having sex with this friend for a week and a half. The last time was on a Friday morning. It was the day of his birthday party which my ex was gonna attend. I was pretty stressed about seeing him but also excited. At that time, I decided not to settle for less than a relationship and therefore I didn't want to be friends. My mind wasn't very strong though.
