My Neighbor, Jay (18+)

Part 8

-4:30pm-

I've been sitting in my car for half an hour... Thinking. Of course, during work, all that's on my mind is... Work, so I haven't had the chance to think about how to go about a talk with Jay until now. I know once I get home, I'll probably have to face it, so I've been sitting here doing my thinking until I'm ready... Or as ready as I'll ever be.

Though I can't really come to a conclusion on what to do, I drive home anyways. I guess there isn't too much to think about because I don't know what Jay is thinking. What he wants. I just have to start the conversation and go from there... But what do I want? Do I want a relationship? Do I want friends with benefits? Do I even want any of it at all? Obviously, I'm undeniably attracted to him, and sex was... Mind blowing... To say the least but I'm not sure I could do the whole "frequent casual hookup" thing and I'm not sure I could do a relationship either, at least not with Jay. I don't know him well enough to think about that yet and based on how aggravating he can be, I'm not sure I'd enjoy a relationship with him.

My thoughts wander once again, while my body is on Autopilot, and I don't even realize that I've made it home and am now just standing in front of my door...

I go inside quickly, drop my purse but grab my phone and take a deep breath before forcing myself to knock on Jay's door. I give myself no time to think in between. If I think, I won't do it.

With another deep breath, I knock and wait a few seconds before the door opens

"Hey..." we say in unison

Both of us chuckle

"Can I come in?" I ask, hesitantly

He bows his head and gestures me in, shutting the door behind me. It's the first time I've actually seen his place, even though I was in here last night. I paid no attention to the surroundings. It's simple, cute, cleaner than most guys' homes I've ever met. He doesn't actually have many things hanging on the walls... So, what the hell was all that banging all the time?

My observation of his place is interrupted

"So... We should talk" he says, sitting on his couch

I join him and sit a few feet away on the couch

"Yeah um... I'm sorry about just darting out last night... It wasn't personal, I promise"

He smiles a bit

"I got to say... That was the first time a girl has ever run out on me after sex, it was... Different" I see a tinge of hurt on his face as he says it. I didn't think it would actually bother him, honestly.

"Again, I'm sorry. I just... I was thinking too much and couldn't gather myself, I had to be alone"

He fidgets with his nails as he speaks

"What were you thinking about?" he asks

Well, here we go I guess...

"Honestly... Just what to make of the situation. You were talking about 'next time' while I had barely come back to process life again and so while I was trying to pull myself out of a mental coma, I was flooded with questions about what was going to happen... I wasn't sure if this was going to turn into a sexual relationship, or even a regular relationship... I don't know what you're looking for and I should've just asked but I have tendency to overthink and overwhelm myself"

He smiles slightly

"I'm guessing you're probably just looking for a casual hookup type of relationship and I'm honestly not sure if I want that" I continue

His eyes lock into mine rather quickly when I say that

"What makes you think that's what I want?" he asks