ever since i met you, there hasn't been a single second where i felt truly alone. somewhere deep inside me, i knew that, no matter how far apart we'd drift, you'd be there in my corner if i needed you to be. you'd support me, the way you always had. words could never describe the way that makes me feel.
for the biggest part of my life, i've always had to share everything with everyone. i always took care of others, sometimes forgetting myself in the process. i never really had a person in my life that reminded me of the important things in life. i never had someone tell me that it's okay to think about me sometimes as well. i had no one to reassure me when my thoughts would get too much or when my emotions would get the best of me. i never had a person who didn't leave me but stuck around & i never had a person who wanted to take care of me. i never had a person who was just.. mine. mine to protect, mine to care for, mine to love & mine to keep. well.. i didn't have that, not until you.
somehow, when you stepped into my world, you turned it upside down in the process. so many things became clearer & i learned a lot about myself, about you, about life & about these feelings i have for you. i grew. & let me just say that, i wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. this between us is complicated, but i'm actually okay with that, because no matter how complicated it is? you also make a lot of things so much easier. you make life easier & being with you is the least complicated thing in the world. it's easy, stable, comforting &.. safe. it's everything i want & could possibly ask & wish for.
loving you has been the easiest thing i have ever done in my entire life. you say you're not perfect & that's right, you're not, not to everyone, but you sure are perfect for me. is that enough for you? because it is for me. everything that you carry with you makes you, you. the good experiences as much as the bad ones, they're all a part of you & i love every. single. one. of. them. i'm in love with all of them, because i'm in love with you, the person you are right in this moment. i was in love with the past you & that's also where all of my feelings for you began, but i think that i'm in love with the present you just a little more & i bet that i'll love the future you even more than that. you might not hear my voice through these words, but i hope you can use your imagination for that & also imagine the emphasis i'm trying to put on my words. i want this to sink in, i want you to feel the depth of those words, because i've never been more serious about anything in my entire life.
all your flaws, imperfections or whatever you want to call them, they're perfect to me & i adore those. no one expects you to be flawless, certainly not me, because i'm not perfect either. & i want you to know that, even after everything, after all the things you hid from me, the promises you broke, the lies you told me, i haven't loved you any less for even a single second. maybe that makes me a stupid fool, maybe it doesn't, one way or another, my feelings for you have never wavered once. only you are able to make me feel this particular warm feeling in my heart & giddy feeling in my stomach. only you can make me feel like.. like i'm coming back home after a long day, to you. i'm coming back home to you.
i know there is much i still don't know. there's also a lot you don't know about me. but, i need you to know that, it's okay. you don't have to tell me now. break your promises to me, stay silent about it, break my heart. i don't care. i know you, so i also know that whatever reason it is you have for not telling me certain things, it's probably a valid reason & i'll wait until you're ready to tell me that reason. someday.
i'll admit that every time you leave for so long & break your promises to me, it hurts. not because you leave, but because you make me promises you cannot keep. it makes it harder for me to trust you when you come back again & reluctant about letting you in when i know you'll leave again some day without a single trace & without telling me a thing. it makes me feel worried about you, but i just have to believe you're okay & well to reassure myself. though, despite all that, there's one thing i've never doubted & that's your intention to always try to protect me. i don't know why or how this happened, but in these five years together you've always tried to do what was best for me & tried to protect me the best you can by keeping me out of (probably) a lot of things. i'm sure you've had a lot you wanted to say to me & talk to me about, but decided it was better not to because you only wanted to see me happy & keep me away from the bad things & ugliness you talk about at times. thank you, so much, for that, for being so thoughtful & considerate. but you won't have to do that anymore, because i'm happy every moment i'm with you. i always have been & that has never been different.
always have, always will.
Start from the beginning
