Circles ━ Evan Buckley

004: LOVING ME IS...

Indiana barely manages to nod, then her door is being opened and Buck is reaching over to undo her seatbelt then holding out a hand for her to take, and Indiana can hardly believe what she's witnessing. She clasps his hand with such gentleness she wonders if it's there at all, then she's stepping out of the car.

Then, the world seems to distort, and as they step over the curb onto the sidewalk, Indiana feels her left leg buckle. She's careening forward, so close to the gravel that she's going to leave a lipstick mark on it, and she falls.

Only she doesn't.

In the nick of time, Buck's arm is hooked around her waist, steadying her. She hardly registers the scene as it's unfolding, coming back to full consciousness only as they are walking through the doors to the restaurant and Buck's fingers are drawing shapes on her hips as he speaks to the hostess, like this is all normal. Like they do this all the time.

The domesticity of it all makes her feel sick.

Buck leans in close to her as the hostess leads them to their table, whispering in her ear, "You doing okay?"

All he receives in turn is a quick nod, because it's all that Indiana can manage. Her head is spinning, and she's not sure if it's from the way she nearly fell or the memories that are coming back to bite her at the perfect time.

In what Indiana can only assume is an act of chivalry, Buck pulls out her chair for her and tucks her in before he goes to the other side of the table and takes his own seat. He's looking at her with a look in his eye that she doesn't recognise, but it's not as if she can see it properly anyway, through the film that has formed over her eyes.

Before either of them can get a word in, their waitress comes over and introduces herself as Katy. She asks how they're doing, and offers to go and get their drinks as they peruse the menu. Indiana thinks that Buck asks for some sort of wine, but she can barely hear through the whistling in her ears.

"Indiana," he says now, and it sounds like he's whispering. He reaches a hand across the table and places it atop of hers, his eyebrows furrowed together as he looks at her. "Would you like something to drink?"

She forces herself out of her panic, momentarily, and puts her best effort into looking at Katy in a way she hopes is normal, but the tightness in her cheeks tells her that the smile is anything but. "I'll have the same as him. Thank you, Katy."

Katy leaves them, then, and they are finally alone. Indiana watches her go and wishes with every ounce of her being that she would come back.

Buck is staring at her like he can see the gears turning in her mind, as if she's got her every thought laid out on the table for him to read. It makes Indiana want to recoil into herself, like a turtle into their shell. She forces herself to swallow down the vomit in her throat, and opens her mouth to speak.

Buck beats her to it. "Are you alright, Indiana? You don't look well."

Great, she thinks. I can't even pretend that I'm alright without looking like I've swallowed a live frog.

"Just peachy," she lies. "Sorry for zoning out, there. I was just trying to wrap my head around the fact I nearly died getting out of the car."

A quiet chuckle comes from Buck, "I wouldn't have let that happen. Not sure if you're aware, but saving lives is sort of my job."