I find myself questioning myself, my capabilities, my relationship with people, and how exactly I feel about it.
I have difficulties in socializing with people, I am an introvert and have different interests that a majority wouldn't. I can't help but feel like an odd one out.
A particular friend of mine whom I used to get close to faded slowly with my realization. I still consider her as my friend, just not as close as it used to be and how I thought it to be. How much meaning I give to her as a friend may not always be as mutual as it would be to me. I find myself seeing the differences she is with another friend. I see her being much happier, although I am happy that she finds herself happy, I can't help but feel lonely and jealous.
Jealous of the fact why can't I be a person that can be relatable or can be with someone being comfortable with each other. It is something I see I lack in. I feel lonely that in the end, I have only myself and question why can't I be like this or that so that I won't feel lonely and get along with people.
But, let's not place ourselves in the victim mindset right here. What is it that lacks in me? A question one must remind yourself of, but don't beat nor place yourself whole that is what lacks in you. It feels lonely, but consider the perspective of another.
Just know, you have something to work on and it's okay to make mistakes. We are after all, human. We are free to go and something one must not stop.
