33| Freedom

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Freedom

"It's beautiful to be alone. To be alone does not mean to be lonely. It means the mind is not influenced and contaminated by society"
- J Krishnamurti

 It means the mind is not influenced and contaminated by society" - J Krishnamurti

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Mariana's POV

"We'll kill her for this. I fucking swear to you" I said honestly, holding Alfie's hand tightly
"Yes. I fucking will" Alfie promised, staring ahead as men shovelled the ground back into the hole

The grass was wet beneath my boots
The sun had come out this morning, just for her
Because that's who she was
Sunshine
Happiness
I never quite liked my birthday much.

It seemed to always harbour such bad days
Being alone for them whilst David was in prison
Or being in prison myself
Spending my birthday listening to the boys shout at Arthur senior when he packed up and left them

Now... now it will forever be tainted with the image of her
The bright beautiful woman I never deserved to call a friend
To call family

The woman I pushed away for months over Alfie's 'death'
The woman I should have seen more.

Ezra walked over to us, leaving his children with his mother
"Who did this?" He asked simply, painfully

"You don't want to know" Alfie said coldly
"Don't I? Am I safe? Are my children safe?" He demanded angrily
"Yes" Alfie gritted out
I looked up at Ezra, guilt consuming me entirely

This was all my fault
All of it
Irene
She never would have done any of this if it wasn't for me
If I wasn't connected to her
To Alfie.

I did this.

I walked away from them, I couldn't bare to be there any longer
I sat on a bench away from them all
Before a man sat down beside me

"Pretty lonely over here" Charles commented
I said nothing
"Oh come on, stop moping. Won't bring her back" he said
I looked at him. Was he serious?

"Don't give me that look. Death is natural, it happens to us all" he said
"So you're not upset?" I asked
"I'm devastated, Aila was the only one I actually liked over here. My brother would be raising hell if he was still alive" he chuckled

"I think Alfie plans to raise enough hell for us all" I said
He nodded
"So do I" he chimed

Before silence blanketed us for a while
"How are you feeling? Surely the cold over here doesn't help" I said
"No, it don't, neither does the fucking smoke in the air" he said
"Mar"

I looked up, offering Alfie a sad smile, taking his hand in mine
"We're going" he said
I nodded
"Okay" I said, standing up

"You know who did this Alfie?" Charles asked
"Yeah, that fucking whore in Chicago" he replied bitterly
He shook his head
"I didn't think she had it in her. Now Ray... that would have been predictable" Charles drawled out, heaving himself up.

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