Cute.

1.

He hears the door open somewhere behind him, the padding of naked feet against the hardwood floor, and before he can even tear his eyes away from the picture, he finds himself tackled onto the bed with an armful of half-naked, drunk, and loose-limbed Pisaeng clinging to him and rubbing his cheek against his chest, sighing deeply. "I can’t wait to wake up next to you," he says with another giggle, looking up at Kawi with droopy eyes and a crooked grin. "I love the way you look in the morning, you know that? You’re so beautiful when you wrinkle your nose when you wake up and your hair is all messy. I don't know how I got so lucky." 
 
"You’re so drunk," Kawi tells him, but he can’t keep the fondness out of his voice or from showing on his face as he brushes the hair out of Pisaeng’s eyes and gently strokes the soft skin behind his ear.
 
"Drunk on you, yeah…" 
 
"Ugh, cheesy," Kawi says again, pushing Pisaeng off him and getting up to help him into his pyjamas, but Pisaeng simply throws his arms up without moving another inch. "Pisaeng help me here. I didn’t time travel several times to haul your drunken ass around."
 
Pisaeng just snickers, letting Kawi manhandle him into his clothes and onto the bed without protest. "And also, you know that thing you do when you roll your eyes at me, just like right now, because I’m getting too affectionate? I love that, too."
 
"Do you leave me a chance?" Kawi asks, rolling his eyes, and then silently berates himself for being so predictable. 
 
"No," Pisaeng confirms, catching Kawi’s hand and softly stroking it with his thumb. "But I love that you still let me, because you know how happy it makes me to be able to be like this with you."  
 
Something about his honesty is disarming, because despite the fact that Pisaeng is so open with his affection in almost every way, he so rarely puts it into words. No matter how often Kawi asks him "Why do you like me?", be it in a moment of happiness or during a fight, he always gets the same answer, one that is sweet in its simplicity yet leaves him with a lingering sense of uncertainty, a question whose answer is somehow evident and simultaneously a mystery to him.
 
He sits down by Pisaeng’s side then, looking at his face and fussing with the collar of his shirt that’s still a little bit twisted, brushing his fingertips over his cheek and forehead in those little signs of domestic affection they’ve adopted over the years. "Feeling better?" he asks, his voice quiet and soft.
 
"Yeah," Pisaeng confirms, drowsily nodding his head and mumbling, "Come here," as he stretches his arms out and spreads them wide. 
 
"I need to go finish cleaning up the kitchen," Kawi reminds him, but they both know Kawi won’t refuse his request, and when Pisaeng groans out a little, "Please?" Kawi sighs in faux annoyance but lies down next to him, falling into Pisaeng’s open arms and huddling into his side with his head resting on his shoulder.
 
Pisaeng’s arm wraps around his back, comfortable and secure, while his other one grabs Kawi’s thigh to hike his leg up and over his hips before siding up towards his butt in a move that lacks any sense of subtlety.
 
"Don’t even think about it," Kawi warns. "You won’t get it up, anyway."
 
"I could try?" Pisaeng purrs, but a swat from Kawi to his chest shuts him up. "No, it’s okay. I just want to cuddle you." He hums to himself, hugging Kawi tighter to his chest and burying his face in his hair. "You smell so good. I love your smell. And your hair. You have such nice hair," he rambles, patting Kawi's head and twisting a strand around his finger to make a curl.
 
"Flattery will get you nowhere," Kawi reminds him, even though he does feel a bit flattered that Pisaeng still wants him like this.
 
With his free shoulder, Piseang shrugs. "Just trying my luck."
 
"Cheeky, aren't you?" Kawi replies, but Pisaeng can probably feel the grin on his face against his skin, and he only huffs out a laugh in response before falling quiet.
 
They just lie together for a few minutes, silently, as Kawi listens to Pisaeng’s heartbeat and plays with his fingers, hearing how his breath slowly evens out until Kawi thinks he fell asleep. When he raises his head, Pisaeng’s eyes are closed, his face relaxed, and his lips slightly parted. He’s still unfairly beautiful, even when he sleeps, or maybe even more so when he’s soft and unaware like this, and Kawi gives into the urge to tilt up his head and place a light kiss on his jaw before he reaches over to turn off the lamp on the bedside table, nothing but the thin strip of light coming from the living room illuminating Pisaeng’s features.
 
"Kawi?" Pisaeng suddenly murmurs without opening his eyes.
 
"Hmm?"
 
 "Tell me a story," he requests, and Kawi knows what he means—that he wants to know about one of the versions of them that exist somewhere else. He doesn’t ask often, not anymore, because most of it has been said and most of their story has been told, except for that one that Kawi keeps so close to his chest. But maybe he can reveal parts of it now that Pisaeng is only half awake—the good parts, the moments that were beautiful despite all the pain.
 
"One time, we stayed at the beach. We had a barbecue there, and you sang for me," he begins. "You lived there in a camper van." 
 
"I did what?" 
 
"Yeah, you… I think you wanted some time to yourself," Kawi explains, careful to avoid the parts of this that would only hurt them. "You moved from place to place and travelled all over the country. I didn't know where you were for months, but I found you eventually." 
 
"Why didn't I tell you?" Pisaeng asks, sounding confused.
 
"We just had a stupid fight," Kawi tells him, feeling the familiar sting that still comes with this particular memory—one that is pain as much as it is shame.
 
But Pisaeng's brows draw together until there's a deep line running across his forehead, and almost as if in protest, he says, "I'd never do this over a stupid fight. I'd never leave you behind for anything." 
 
"Not even for yourself?" Kawi asks, knowing that if Pisaeng would open his eyes, he’d see the small, sad smile gracing his lips now.
 
But when he does, Kawi is unable to look away.
 
"I wouldn't be me without you," Pisaeng says, his hand coming up to cup Kawi's cheek and his thumb brushing along the fine skin under his eye. "Or at least, I wouldn't like who I'd be." 
 
"You were amazing in every life we lived," Kawi tells him, placing his hand above Pisaeng's heart because, in a way, it was always the same, no matter how much Kawi toyed and meddled with it. "And I'm still sorry I didn't realise it sooner." 
 
He feels Pisaeng's lips against the palm of his hand, uncoordinated and not fully a kiss, but Kawi feels the warm shiver flowing up his arm either way—that feeling of security and love that he's come so accustomed to that sometimes he forgets to appreciate it the way he vowed he would.
 
"The other ones, the other…mes," Pisaeng starts. "Did they give up?" 
 
"No, never," Kawi tells him honestly, reminded of that version of Pisaeng who waited a decade for him and carried the burden of Kawi’s selfishness.
 
In response, Pisaeng simply hums. "Yeah, I figured." 
 
"Why?" Kawi asks, curious as to why Pisaeng could be so certain when he only knows parts of the story.
 
Pisaeng stays quiet for a while, taking Kawi’s hand again as he seems to gather his thoughts. "Do you remember that day at orientation when you sang your song in front of everyone?"
 
"Oh, come on," Kawi groans. "You promised to never mention that again!" 
 
But Pisaeng isn't deterred. "That was the first time I saw you. I watched you, and I listened to you, and all I thought was how goddamn brave you were," he says, his voice more sure and awake now. "You were the most genuine person I ever met back then. And I knew you were a fighter, even if you gave up at that moment. But I saw it. I always knew."
 
For a long moment, Kawi stares at him, dumbfounded. And then he bursts out laughing, realising that Pisaeng is, in fact, exactly as drunk as he suspected. "I was afraid of everything back then," Kawi reminds him, thinking back to the trembling boy who choked out a few off-key notes. "You know how my life originally turned out. There was no fight in me." 
 
But Pisaeng vehemently shakes his head. "Maybe you were afraid. But I knew you had it in you from the very first moment I saw you."
 
"You're drunk, Pisaeng. You're just saying something stupid," Kawi dismisses him, because somehow, this feels too big for the end of a drunken night, too heavy to be said when they’re exhausted and on the brink of slumber.
 
"I'm not," Pisaeng replies firmly, looking at Kawi from serious, dark eyes. "It's the reason I love you."
 
Kawi’s chest clenches, his heart drumming heavily against his ribs for one dizzying beat, when he realises that Pisaeng is finally offering him the answer he wanted for so long. He shouldn’t accept it, should stop Pisaeng from saying something he doesn’t want to reveal when he’s too out of it to realise what he’s divulging, but his curiosity keeps him quiet. At the same time, he's almost scared of the answer, of living up to the pressure it might create, as if knowing exactly what Pisaeng sees in him would make him realise once again that it's so much bigger than the man he actually is. And still, after all this time and countless attempts, and despite this fear settling in, Kawi finds himself asking once again, a single word, almost getting lost in the breath he's so curiously holding right now: "Why?"
 
Pisaeng's arm tightens around Kawi's waist once more, and with a strength Kawi didn't expect from him in this drunken state, he flips them over until he's hovering over him, his face suddenly serious.
 
"Because you fight every single day, for yourself and for us. And I don't know what you and I did in all the… all the time- timelines or whatever. Shit, I'm wasted," Pisaeng groans out, rubbing his face with his free hand and shaking his head as if to clear it. "But you made me want to fight, too. You made me fight for you, but also for myself. You know how I would've ended up without you. I don't think I'd have found the courage to be me if you hadn't come back into my life."