Torn

Who she was

Why can't I die? If only I had the courage to take my own life! Too bad I'm a terrible coward.

These were the thoughts running in her restless and overcrowded mind that morning. She was leaning against a wall of a building that had a bar and lodging. It was well-known for all kinds of pleasures, indecency acts, and immorality. Most low lives, the dead beats, the rejects, and the hopeless drowned their misery there. It was also common knowledge to many that there was a high probability of acquiring the best people for undertaking certain 'confidential' jobs in that bar. Many planned deals and operations to launch in the building. The building had a name; Hapi Hapi. But it was not only a place for those who came to seek gratification but also where some came to seek daily bread. Women lined themselves on the corridors of the building from six in the evening to dawn, waiting for customers.  Other businesses operated in the evenings on the same street. There were food vendors, khat sellers, and others, but they would close by midnight. Only Mimi and her colleagues would be left. The night was all theirs.

On the opposite side of the building was a church of a well-known Pastor known as 'Christ is the Life Church'. She wondered countless times how the said 'Christ' could be life. What other life than what she and others were leading? How the church got established opposite their workplace surprised many. What kind of ridicule is that? It had a big temporary poster on top 'Only God can make whole again.' Mimi looked at the sign and clicked.

"I wonder what He can make out of me? If He really can," She said, this time loudly. A woman who was in the same profession as her looked at her. She had a small, tight dress that revealed more than it covered. She was chewing badly and smoking at the same time, making funny sounds. She asked;

"What is left of you to be made?"

"Whatever, even the little," Mimi said.

"You have nothing. You are all used up. You and me and the rest of us here. If He has to do anything with us," the woman said, pointing to the sky, "then I'm sure it would be to eliminate us from this earth. We are unusable." She dipped her hand, which had a ring on every finger into her purse, got some khat out, and stashed it in her mouth.

"I concur. That's what He will do," Mimi replied." Give me a puff." The woman passed the cigar to Mimi, who puffed several times and then returned it. Such hard facts brought fear to Mimi, and she needed something in the system to disconnect from them. It awed her how a puff or a sip could give an escape from reality, at least.

"People like us have no hope to be anything else. We are what we are."

"Absolutely."

A man came around the corner and winked at the woman. She followed him speedily. Mimi was left alone, lost in thoughts.

She never got any more customers that night. In her bra, she had squeezed in twelve hundred shillings which she had gotten from the three clients over the night. It was not enough since her two children required a thousand each for the end-of-term examination, but it was better than nothing.

When it was nearly dawn, she thought of taking a cup of tea first before going home. It was cold. There was a hotel nearby which ran twenty-four hours. She sat at the table for quite a long time even after drinking tea. Her mind was wandering.

"Are you okay?" Kigechi, the waitress asked her.

"Me? Why?" Mimi asked.

"It's time to leave," Kigechi said. Mimi was about to respond but thought otherwise. Kigechi was a cold-blooded witch. She handled men all by herself. She rose and left.

She stood outside the hotel when a car pulled in front of the church. The Pastor came out, holding a bible in His hand, whistling happily. He had come very early that day. He stood briefly to chat with some rough men nearby who were smoking and chewing, shook hands with each of them, and took several minutes laughing and cracking jokes. She happened to spot some of the men who were among the group. One was Kingi, and the other was Hunyu. She wondered what on earth those criminals could have in common with the Pastor. Kingi was a drug dealer and a brutal man; Hunyu was a petty thief; as far as Mimi was concerned, Hunyu was a pathological liar. He owed Mimi about a thousand for services rendered without payment. He always promised to pay her, but in recent days, he would disappear upon seeing her so that they could not meet.