The Adventures of a Pumpkin and a Running Back Boy

Lexi, the Worrier

Lexi, the Worrier

“So then I just pull it up, but, okay I might have pulled just a bit too much… but I mean, come on! How was I supposed to think about details like that! He fucking pulled out twice! He wasn’t going to do it again! I wasn’t losing another walk down OH YES lane!” Daph explained to me, roaming through the aisle, taking deodorant, opening the caps, smelling them and putting some one. But what was really wrong about that picture was the fact that she kept stroking her fat belly while doing so, her eight months pregnant fat belly.

And I was shaking my head in disbelief at her. “Now remind me again. Why the frak was he wearing your thong?”

“Role play” Daph answered, not even looking at me.

Oh god.

“So,” how was I even supposed to formulate that question? Was I even supposed to ask? “You’re telling me in your role play he’s you and you’re him?” I had a hard time trying to get around that, while looking at her. How was that supposed to work out with her pregnant? Josh still hadn’t grown his beer belly.

After all these years I should know by now that you didn’t want details on Daph and Josh’s sex life. But you also knew there was no point in trying to stop them from sharing it with you.

“No, no! We’re both me.” Daph explained like that was the common answer, smiling happily.

Oh. God.

I shook my head again “You two are sick together.”

Daph snorted loudly, making an old lady looking at us weirdly—well even more weirdly then she already was. “Fucking hot is the right word. Or AWE-SOME. But I like fucking hot. Because I’m fucking hot. And by that I mean…”

“Yes I know, not that you are hot but that you are fucking a hot guy.”

“Aw, good memory Kitty,” she patted my cheek and looked around her, “So! Are we going to go in the right aisle or what?”

I looked away, biting my nails. “Why don’t you just share more stories instead?”

“Fine with me” Daph shrugged. It was a good thing I could really on her being easily distracted—and ever too eager to share more info about her sex life. “Well the other day Josh said he wanted to do something like Klein but with his “Josh-Green-Poop” so he rolled me in paint, well we both sort of rolled in paint.” She seemed contemplative for a second. “What disease will we have for doing it in the paint? Do you think it will affect the baby? Maybe he’ll come out green…” she trailed contemplatively.

It was my turn to snort. “Don’t ask me!”

My friend gazed at me evilly. “Don’t snob! You are so getting that disease too! I know what you do with your Running Back Boy and Josh knows too, because Blake has a big mouth,” I glared at her as she added, a little more silently, “and expertise tongue apparently.”

I slapped her butt! “Shut up Daph!” This just seemed to amuse her more though.

“So! Point is, instead of a poor lonely girl pattern that looks like mini mouse we did some kind of T-Rex. Well seriously in the end the paper sort of rolled around us and tore and—and have you heard about that guy who did an art thing with pubic hair? Because Josh wants to do something with—”

“YEAH! I know what he wants to do, Blake told me! Please there are children in here,” I chastised her. She could at least try not to speak too loudly.

“Well they should know that that bird and bee shit ain’t half as cool as bumping uglies”

I shook my head in disbelief again. “Are you still going to say stuff like that when you have your kid?”

She was the one shaking her head then, looking at me like I was an ignorant child. I hated when she did that. “Please. Our son’s going to be so awesome, I’m going to have to give birth to him underground and keep him hidden from the government, because his awesomeness could destroy the Earth. Like his sheer awesomeness will Blow. Minds. Up.”

I rolled my eyes. “You and Josh should stop seeing each other for a little while. He’s rubbing off on you.”

Daphnee grinned. “Oh yes he is.”

I narrowed my eyes and grimaced. “Ew.” I took a few steps, gazing at the things on the shelves, not really seeing them. “Your son will never be normal with the people he’ll grow around with.”

Daphnee stood beside me. “Normal is boring.”

I smiled a little. “Yeah…”

And then my friend groaned in exasperation.  “Okay so now will we go get it?”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “I just… I don’t…”

“Sweetie, whether you know it or not, the damage is done so you better just know now so you can have more time to find a strategic plan as to how and when you’ll drop the bomb.”

Just like she had been doing earlier, my hand pressed against my stomach, and . “I just don’t know how he’s going to react”

“If he reacts the way Josh did, he’s going to fuck you against the counter and then apologize countless times to your belly and say he didn’t mean to rock his mom so hard,” Daph told me, smiling at the memory.

I gagged. “Again, ew.”

Daph ignored my little antics. “It’s going to be fine.”

“But we’re still in college for god’s sake,” I exclaimed. We were so not ready for this. Having a kid? We were still kids!

“So what?

 “Well,” I took a second before continuing, trying to clear my head. “I’m the responsible one when it comes to those things.”

“Come… same material Josh wants to use,” Daph trailed evilly.

I glared a bit at her. “You HAD to say it?”

She smiled sweetly. “I HAD to say it.”

And then I sighed, looking at my best friend. “What if I’m pregnant Daph?”

“Then you’ll have a fucktacular kid just like mine and they’ll be BFF or maybe fuck buddies or lovers. Oh just imagine our kids getting married together! Think about how AWESOME their off-springs would be!”

Trust Daph to not think about the bigger picture and the responsibilities and everything that made me worried about actually being pregnant. “But what if—”

“You’ll be fine," she cut me, "like you always are, because you have Blake and he loves you and he’ll love that kid as much as he loves you. As long as you two are together, everything will be alright,” she told me, looking all serious. It was slightly unsettling, but her words did help. A lot. “Now go get the pregnancy test so we can get out and I can tell you what I did to Josh’s balls this morning to have them forgive me for that thong string cutting thing.”

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A/N: Just a little warning, I decided not to upload this in chronological order because for one thing, I don't think about those chronologically, and I want to upload them when I write them, so that way I'll be able to upload them much more often. 

Anyway, hope you're enjoying this. I know Blake wasn't exactly there, but you managed to get some Daph! ;P