5| I made dinner

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I made dinner

"The hardest thing I have ever done is walk away still madly in love with you"

"The hardest thing I have ever done is walk away still madly in love with you"

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Mariana's POV

I lay awake
For hours
Hours and hours. Listening to Alfie shuffle up the stairs, and go into his room
Then listening to the deafening silence around me
As I lay in Alfie Solomon's house

The thought was laughable
But then laughter induced the idea of hysteria
Was I going crazy?
Was this it?
What if this is what snaps me? What if none of it is real and I've truly gone insane?

It was when the door went at 6.43 that I finally got up.
I got dressed
Into cold clothes that had dried but not warmed
Looking at Alfie's door and wondering if he was awake

I made my way downstairs, grabbing my coat from the kitchen table.
When he caught me on my way into the hallway
"You're leaving" he said
I looked at him.
In nothing but briefs
The man I once knew
I once lay with.

The scars I was so familiar with
The tattoos I once traced. Kissed.
The man who had took me... repeatedly.
The man who kissed me and touched me

"Dove" he said
I looked up. Having no idea what to say

"You don't have to leave. We can talk" he said
"I'll tell him to wait, yeah? And we can... we can have breakfast, yeah, breakfast" he nodded
"No" I said
"I'm going home. I... Carter has a sleepover tonight, I... I have to take him home" I said

"He's not at home?" He asked
"Clearly you don't have such a close eye" I commented, putting my coat on
"But you will... you'll speak to me again? About the kids? About us?" He said
"What do you want me to say Alfie?" I asked

"That I'm not..."
"Not what? Not unsalvageable?" I asked
"Yes" he said shortly
"That I can make this right" he said

I sighed
"I... I don't know okay? I need to think, I need to see my son" I said
"Our son" he said, following me to the door
"You've been gone a long time Alfie" I said
"I know" he said, stopping in his tracks when I got out into the decking

"Maybe I can come see you" he suggested
"Maybe" I said
"Call me. Day or night. Whenever, I'll... I'll come" he said

I said nothing else, and walked away. Getting in the car.

"Good trip?" Dorothy chuckled, as Carter stormed off into another room
"Yeah, fucking brilliant" I said, sitting down
Me and Carter argued the entire way back.

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