Brushes with death
A brief touch into my chest
Glances into the void
The void flirts with you back
A dance under the new moon
The Brushes are dead
So is the paint
I see a vial of fentanyl,
its right there,
I see my emotions become hysterically still
I see all of my flaws become real
I see myself become a trashed vinyl
That was recorded without melody
That was never meant to play more than once
Not even Liquor does call out to me so deep
I guess such is life, Ces't la vie
I see another vial of morphine
Its right there, telling me to grab it and put it into my pockets
I see myself abandoning all of my endorphins
Even now as I'm sipping on this caffeine
I see the forbidden fruits on the hill
I see myself consumed by the need to have them at my side, just incase wills
Finishing up this day with some nicotine
I see the stairway to escape the pain on the way
I see my 25th birthday on the after day
I see my self at a crossroad
And i hear the voice of silence
And i smell the nonexistent blooms of black roses
To think i had to make a choice
To prefer the everyday sunset or the eternal sunrise
If eternal suffering gives meaning to the fleeting moments of joy
If the only way to the hour of sunshine is at the end of a long road of a dark tunnel
Then i must acknowledge the existence of painkillers
Even though the pain is only in my head
I think of all the things to stop me from stealing those vials
I think of the people who gave me this life
I think of my cats that need me to curb their lice
I think of the days of my earliest memory
And then realise the world i was born into doesn't really exist at any side
And so here i am, a person with no past or future
With walls closing in from all sides with no closure
With cuts that are sealed with all these sutures
With no place to belong to, only having my delusions to go back to
At this point the dark seems like the light, the cold feels like the warmth and any other feeling feels like regurgitating my insides
What is the place beyond the rock bottom
What is the place in between the layers of my emotional demise
What is this place, this place that keeps emanating loneliness
I think i have found myself a home there
I think i have sat there for so long that the ground underneath feels warm
