" I didn't deserve that. You knew it too. "
" And i am sorry for that , but the girl I knew would forgive me. "
" I will never be that stupid girl , again."
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i still remember those days like they were yesterday.
it was mid september. i was on the way out of my room a large smile printed onto my face as i rush down the stairs with my bag. " i'll be back later mom , you can pick me up at the wreck later—" i pause.
you see , my mother was never an emotional person , she could watch a sad puppy commercial and not bawl her eyes out like the rest of humanity..so why was she crying? " momma? " i whisper as i set my bag down crouching in front of her.
" i'm sorry my love. " she lets out weakly. i tilt my head and let out a small giggle as i grab her hands, " if it's about dad not being back it will be okay. we can wait a little later to celebrate my birthday! " i say in attempts to cheer her up. she crumbles into my arms and lets out a sob as sheriff peterkin walks through the door. " sheriff? what are you doing here? what's wrong? " i furrow my eyebrows no longer able to keep a smile on my face.
" okay, not funny, what's going on? " i say confusedly as i stand up and look outside seeing police cars, " momma?! why are they here? why is she here? " i yell wondering why no one would tell me what's going on. sheriff peterkin grabs my hands and turns me to her, " i am so sorry but—" , " why is everyone apologizing to me?! you're freaking me out! ".
" angel collins...along with big john routledge..have gone missing." she says as she grips my hands. " what? that's not possible , he's gonna be back by the end of today! " , " i'm sorry lily but we have searched everywhere—" i cut her off and push her away harshly. " i don't fucking believe you! my dad would never miss my birthday and big john would never leave john b by himself. they aren't missing." my mom stands up and holds my hand, causing me to flinch at her touch and pull away. " i don't want to hear it! t-there's just no way. " i grab my bag and run out the front door getting on my bike with tears streaming down my face.
i need to talk to john b , this had to be some sick joke. peddling as fast as i could , i finally make it to the chateau only to see deputy shoupe. i drop my bike and run inside pushing past shoupe , who was just leaving , i enter the chateau and see a teary eyed john b. " don't tell me you believe them—" i get cut off by him hugging me into his chest , i squirm around trying to get away as i start breathing heavily. " no! no , they can't be missing , their wasn't even a storm! " i fall into his chest my legs growing weak as i scream at him to say something. but he was frozen.
a few hours later and i now lay in his arms in that same position, we hadn't moved. " where could they have gone? there's no way they would just up and disappear." he says hoarsely and i shake me head. " they'll be back by the end of the week." , " but lil—" , " they'll be back and we can celebrate my birthday together just like every other year." ......."okay." ——————————————————
a month and a half later
i step out of my room with a sigh , heading downstairs. i stop and look at my mom on the couch with her computer and a glass of whiskey. she died her hair brown. her papers were all over the place and she was in the same clothes from two days ago. " i'm going to the chateau mom. " she doesn't say anything as usual , doesn't even give me a glance this time.
