The Library | Kazuscara

Chapter 19

The wind was brisk on their faces as they sat waiting on the train at the station. Scara checked his watch, then returned his attention to Kazuha who was sitting anxiously next to him. "I won't be gone long; I'll take the train home after my meeting." Scara said with a vibrant smile, planting a kiss on Kazuha's cold cheek.

"I'll be waiting." Kazuha whispered, resting his elbow on the bench and his face in his hand. "Try not to fall asleep on the train again." He smirked, watching as Scara checked his watch again. "You seem nervous, are you okay?" Kazuha asked, reaching a hand up to Scara's face to turn his attention towards him.

Scara nodded, putting his hand over Kazuha's. "I must admit, the last time I met with this client it was a lot for me to handle. This one is different, in a way." He shivered, then moved closer to Kazuha. "This one isn't a matter of fear of living, and emotions. This client, is afraid of dying, and she is in fact dying of cancer." Scara explained, diverting his eyes from Kazuha for a moment.

Kazuha could see the anxiousness in Scara's movements. After Heizou passed, Scara's began to view his work in a different light. Every case was dire, and he poured a piece of himself into every client he had. It was hard for Kazuha to watch, but he understood why Scara was doing it.

Scara's tired eyes found their way back to Kazuha after checking his watch once more, and Kazuha melted into them. They were dark, heavy and sleep deprived. Hollow. Scara never had nightmares before Heizou, but it was now an everyday occurrence of him waking up to Kazuha rocking him back and forth in the middle of the night.

He had described some of the dreams to Kazuha, sharing the darkness of his night terrors. For the most part, it was Scara living his clients' biggest fears, and trying to claw his way out of them. Scara didn't fear the dreams themselves, he feared them manifesting into reality. Everything had turned into a race against time for Scara, and every moment counted.

Kazuha leaned in, connecting their lips one last time as the train pulled into the station. He stood up with Scara, pulling him in for a warm embrace before watching him board the train. He turned and left the station, burying his hands deep in his pockets as he headed back home.

✦

Kazuha's shift had dragged on. He stood behind the bar polishing the glasses to occupy his time. As the sun set and day turned to night, Xingqiu finally joined him towards the end of the night.

"Scara isn't back yet?" Xingqiu asked, taking a seat at the end of the bar. He set his book down and crossed his legs, a worried look on his face.

"Not yet, but that's not really unusual." Kazuha smiled, setting a glass of coffee down in front of Xingqiu.

"Well, it is a little unusual." Xingqiu began, taking a long sip from his coffee. "He called me a little bit ago, saying he was on the train home. He sounded distracted and distraught to say the least. He asked if there was any way that I could cover you closing the bar because he needed you."

Kazuha's smile disappeared, his face turning pale. "Is he okay? Should I be worried?"

Xingqiu shook his head, keeping a calm demeanor. "He's fine, everything is fine. He didn't go into detail, just simply asked a favor." Xingqiu picked up his coffee and walked around the bar. "Go wait at home for him, I'll close up for you."

Kazuha took a second to process what was happening, an uneasy feeling rising. He gave Xingqiu a quick hug before leaving the bar.

On the top landing, he saw light filtering beneath the door. "Scara?" He called out, quickly climbing the stairs.

When he opened the door, Scara was on the couch hunched over. His head in his hands, he slowly looked up to meet Kazuha's worried gaze. Kazuha was at his side instantly, pulling him in for a hug. "Are you alright?" he asked, pulling back so he could study his face.

He was empty, as if he left his soul with his last client. "Did something happen?" he asked, putting his hands on both sides of his face.

Scara's hands began to shake as he finally looked up into Kazuha's eyes. "She's... my mother."

Kazuha took Scara's hands and held them near his lips. "Your mother?" he asked, feeling a wave of confusion wash over him.

Scara nodded, closing his eyes. He felt overwhelmed by the emotions he was feeling. Tears slowly seeped from his eyelashes, and he leaned forward into Kazuha's embrace. "After all the time I spent healing from her abandoning me, she dares to step back into my life, like this? Deceitful wench." Scara breathed rage and anger, his fingernails digging into Kazuha's back. "She said she wanted to right her wrongs from the past before she died. I just don't understand, why seek me out in this way? Why become my client, and after many sessions finally share that she knew I was her child all along? How long has she been lurking in the shadows, watching me? Kazuha I-" he realized he was hurting Kazuha with his death grip and pulled back, looking into his eyes.

"Kazuha, I don't know if I can do this with her."

Kazuha put a hand under his chin, seeing a new flame ignite in his pupils. "Do what with her?" he asked, resting his arm on Scara's shoulder. He tried to rub soothing circles into the back of his neck, attempting to calm him down.

"Forgive her."