Kaylor: The Timeline

Chapter 5.2

She sits quietly on her couch, staring mindlessly at her ceiling, her tears slowing at her realization. It scares her, but exhilarates her. She has no doubt she loves her, she's probably even been in love with her for some time now.

Karlie cracks a small smile thinking about everything, realizing that she can deal with all of this and then some if it means being with Taylor, she loves her after all.

But she doesn't feel the same way.

Karlie never thought it could feel wrong to be at home, but it just feels so much more right to be spending nights with Taylor. She's never had to second guess herself when it comes to that, not even when things were complicated with Josh in the picture. Spending nights with Taylor has always been perfect and effortless, and now Taylor is worried about moving too fast? The thought never even struck Karlie, didn't even seem like a possibility. I fell way harder than her.

She knows Taylor cares about her, especially if she is just as prepared to keep their relationship so complicatedly hidden, but it is still disheartening to just know that someone doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for them. And with each additional moment Karlie spends thinking about it, she realizes more and more just how deeply in love she has fallen with the singer.

But how am I supposed to explain to my family and friends why all of this is worth it? It's worth it because I'm in love with, but how will they understand. They're going to worry about me getting involved in a lifestyle I should want no part of.

She roughly runs a hand through her hair, and quickly stops and ironically laughs at herself realizing she just adopted Josh's nervous tick for herself.

She's spent enough nights in this apartment since March, shedding tears because of her complicated relationship with Taylor. Tonight wouldn't be one of them.

She jumps up from her couch, wiping at her eyes as she grabs a jacket and rushes out the door.

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"Fuck," Karlie says, as she uselessly holds the key she has to Taylor's apartment while standing locked out of the building itself. She pulls at the door, knowing it is locked. The building adopted maximum security procedures once Taylor moved in.

She turns around and glances up and down the street. Completely empty. There is no way that another tenant of Taylor's would be coming or going out of the building now, in the very dark and early morning hours of the day.

She sits down on the staircase, something that would severely gross her out when in a much more stable emotional state. She pulls out her phone and sees that it is nearing 2 AM, and calls up Taylor, squeezing her eyes shut as she listens to the phone ring. She quickly ends the call when she gets the singer's voicemail.

Karlie scrolls through her contact list, and stops at a member of Taylor's security team whose number she has had since the road trip. She debates calling him, knowing that he is currently in the apartment right across the hall from Taylor's. He's more likely to be asleep than Taylor is.

Stuffing the phone back into her pocket, she stands back up and brushes off her pants. She frantically pulls at the building's doors, knowing there is no use. She wipes at her eyes as tears once more moisten her cheeks. As if I needed another reminder of how different Taylor's life is than mine.

Karlie finds it to b cruelly ironic how close she is to Taylor, only for the singer to be locked away from her because of security. How do I explain to my family that security needs to come whenever I bring her upstate for dinner?