ISN'T SHE LOVELY | hs

4 | DIZZY FEELING

| MICKAYLA |
Tuesday 28th June, 2022

"Harry, I'm still dizzy from lying upside down for an hour. I'm not doing a goddamn headstand."

I've officially been turkey basted, my terminology for it something that made Dr. Anderson cackle as she performed the procedure. She used the fancy official word of catheter when referring to the device that was being used to insert Harry's sperm through my cervical opening and into my uterus, but seemed to like my version much more given her reaction.

Harry did too. He chuckled quietly as he stood by my head with my hand held tightly in his as the insemination process occurred; tummy shaking as it happened, like always.

He was quiet throughout it with the exception of his soft laughter sounding out and voice asking me every ten seconds if I was okay. I was quick to tell him the truth every time that I was. Harry didn't look away from my face once. I didn't look away from his, either.

With my legs spread and in stirrups, a blanket covering my nether regions that experienced a slight bit of discomfort from the use of the speculum, Harry didn't let go of my hand. He squeezed it lightly, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand soothingly when I winced a little at that part, and looked guilty that I was going through any pain at all.

It was nothing that I couldn't handle, the feeling akin to a smear test. I told him once again that I was okay, although that didn't seem to settle him. I realised there and then that I had to change tactics to get him to relax and stop feeling bad and stressed.

Opting to return the favour of soothing his hand with light squeezes, I hoped that my touch would calm him down more than my words would. Harry's breathing had grown a little erratic as the IUI officially began. I could see the nerves all over his expression, too.

I didn't feel the same way, though, and I hope I conveyed that with my reassuring smile that aimed to reassure him as much as my touch attempted to as well. He's got a sweet soul. I'll do anything to protect it.

Everything is going to be alright. I'm comfortable. This will be a success, I told him with my smile and squeezes, knowing the reasons why he was so anxious without him having to say so. I could see the seeds of doubt living in Harry's mind that were starting to turn into weeds, but I was ready to pull them out before they got the chance to grow, much like I have been anytime they've started to sprout these last six weeks of knowing him.

It seemed to work as Harry relaxed more and more with every second that passed until the procedure was over. I was already calm, but I calmed down even more when it was done, too. I instead felt just as thrilled as I did this morning at the possibility of becoming pregnant, of gifting him with a baby, of making his dream come true. 

Harry started to look just as thrilled as I did only moments later, no longer nervous as the realisation dawned on him that that gift and dream could be coming his way and true very soon. His smile shone brighter than ever. I was glad to see it back, but it disappeared before I could tell him so.

I missed it immediately, but I received something amazing in its place: Harry's lips puckered up and pressing to the top of my head in a kiss as he muttered "thank you, thank you, thank you" against my hair. I felt downright dizzy underneath his lips, and also grateful for the fact that I was lying down when he did it. I'd have hit the deck otherwise.

Harry had met me outside of my flat this morning, locking up the door for me with a light laugh as I once again struggled with it, before the pair of us walked to the clinic together noiselessly. With the exception of a teasing applause accompanied by a comment of him being proud that I was already awake and sounding bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when he called to make sure that I was up, we followed that up with our usual tight hug and then fell into silence as we journeyed there side by side.