hi. been a long time, huh, Wattpad?
I think the appropriate thing these days is to give a trigger warning, so here it is. This story mentions abuse and mental health so just be aware.
if you're reading this and you remember my former username, District_Tribute, you'll remember that this app used to be my life, all day every day. there wasn't a moment when I wasn't interacting with at least one of you or posting new story content.
then I dropped off the face of the earth, and now, in 2023, I'm here to kind of explain why.
at the end of 2019 I entered a relationship with a man who I thought was going to change my world. my parents had caused a lot of emotional damage to me and I was ready to get out of their household. (Don't get me wrong, i love my parents and I've forgiven them as I've gotten older.) This man was joining the military, and speaking of wanting to marry me and I thought it was my quickest ticket out of my hometown.
in 2021 I finally got my own place. after attempting to join the military, the man I was with didn't make it through to the end and returned home to live with me in our own places, and that's when (pardon my language) shit hit the fan.
I won't go into grand detail because it's difficult to talk about, but he was abusive to me, both physically and verbally. my mental health was completely shattered during that time, feeling like I left one toxic household and put myself right back into another.
and I married him. i married him, because I was scared, not only of him but of going back to live with my parents. I let myself be contract bound to someone who was hurting me near every day, because I felt like I had no one to reach out to.
I had a couple of friends actively seeing me a lot during that time, and for them I am so grateful. One of them picked up on the issues going on in my relationship, and she gave me advice that no one ever had. She told me I had a choice on what to do.
So he and I separated. I made the decision against my fear that I couldn't live like that anymore, being beaten every other day and verbally abused in between.
Wattpad got left on the back burner for me because I had so many other issues to worry about. I lost my passion for writing, because my own world felt so gloomy and bleak that I couldn't understand how to create beautiful art in the form of words.
After the separation, believe me, I tried to give him a second chance, and when we were comfortable he went right back to the same violent patterns, and I knew that I couldn't do that again. I had worked too hard on convincing myself I didn't deserve it.
After letting him go once again, I knew that time it would be it, and it took me a while to find love again.
I had been questioning my sexuality since I was 14. It was something I kept extremely quiet about, I didn't want anyone to know so I pretended to be something I wasn't for a very long time. But I came out, and it changed my life.
I know sexuality is a conflicting thing for some people on here, but just know, I am happy now and I am thriving living as my true self now.
These days are just filled with work, bills, and a whole zoo in a tiny apartment. I've begun writing again! A story based on my own life, just changed a little bit to make things flow and keep our names. But it is going great, and I am very pleased with my life at the moment. :)
I guess I just wanted to post to say hey, I guess, to anyone who's still out there who remembers me and is reading. Y'all stay cool out there, and I hope y'all will hear from me in the near future!
