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Journal Of Naked Thoughts

Poetry

I romanticize my entire life On the basis of one Single Fleeting Moment I never know when it will hit me But it's always those Miniscule Couple of hours I can never see it coming And I hate Myself For letting myself feel Because when it's all ove...

#firstlove #love #mental #mentalhealth #poetry

5/10/2019 Abyss

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by kristinajhonsonsten

by kristinajhonsonsten

Safe?

I've never known what safety feels like.

I don't know what mental or emotional safety feels like.

I've always been insecure, sad, and alone.

I never let my walls down because everyone takes advantage and then throws me away later.

I've always been terrified of betrayal.

I'm scared of being completely alone.

I live in constant fear and regret.

But, that's okay because I know that I can always fall into the comforting abyss. The abyss of my own subconscious, of looking into the distortion of the bottom of a bottle.

I know I constantly need to be in that dark, somewhat comforting, abyss.

Sometimes I just wish it would all end.

I want to end it.

But, I don't. I need to be there for them. They are the only reason that I live.

I get so close to death and think. and I think of their wellbeing and never go through with it.

EDIT: 10/29/2019

I finally did it.

Given into the abyss.