CHRIS
amnesia-5 seconds of summer
summary-you had to leave chris to move away for your dream job and chris is heartbroken about it
chris's pov
i drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
i thought about our last kiss
how it felt, the way you tasted
it's been a year since y/n left for new york. she left because she wanted to live her dream on becoming an actress. she insisted that long distance wouldn't work. so we decided to break up the morning she left.
i'm currently in the car, moping as usual. i've done a lot of that since y/n left. matt and nick say it's unhealthy that i'm still not past this. but how can i get past it? she's the love of my life.
i'm driving around town, and i saw the park we used to hang out at while sipping on the liquor we stole from our parents. it breaks my heart even more. i decide to drive home. as i'm driving back to my house, i start thinking about her more.
i'm thinking about our last kiss. god i miss her touch, her laugh, her smile, and everything else about her.
and even though your friends tell me your doin' fine
are you somewhere feelin' lonely
even though he's right beside you
okay i'll admit it. i did reach out to y/b/n a few times to just check in on y/n. she tells me that y/n is fine and that she's hitting it off and living out her dream.
but i cant help thinking that that isn't true. what if she's sad or is missing me. what if she isn't really living out her dream. y/b/n also told me that y/n has a new boyfriend dylan.
apparently he's helping her out with her acting and all that. but what if she's lonely. how do i know if dylan is a good guy that's treating her like she's supposed to.
when he says those words that hurt you
do you read the ones i wrote you?
i'm currently at my desk, writing her another letter. she never sends one back. i don't know if this is weird but i still like filling her in on what's happening in life.
she was such a big part of my life as well as nick's and matt's life. she deserves to know what's happening. all the crazy adventures we go on with madi and laura.
i'm currently telling her that we plan on going on another tour. i telling her what we are doing, how we are planning it, everything.
sometimes when i'm writing these letters, i get a glimpse of hope that she will write back and tell me everything about what's happening with her.
i wanna know about her acting, dylan, how it's like living in new york. but as i fold up the letter and write the address on the envelope, reality hits me and i realize that she will probably never write me back.
sometimes i start to wonder, was it just a lie?
if what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'cause i'm not fine at all
i'm laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. how come i'm still reminiscing about all of this and she isn't. then i start to have the heart wrenching thoughts.
did she ever love me?
was our whole relationship nothing to her?
was it a lie?
how is she ok?
how did she move on?
was i not good enough?
as all these thoughts are running through my head searching for answers, i start to fall into a deep sleep, something that doesn't happen that often anymore.
i remember the day you told me you were leaving
i remember the makeup runnin' down your face
and the dreams you left behind, you didn't need them
like ever single wish we ever made
*flashback*
y/n is standing in front of me with her suitcase.
"i'm leaving for new york in 2 hours. matt's driving me to the airport now." she starts to cry, her tears bringing her mascara down with them.
"y/n that's amazing! you're gonna be great! we can facetime and text. we'll be okay." i reassure her.
she starts to cry more and i walk closer to her. i grab her hands and she looks up at me, sadness in her eyes.
"chris you're not understanding. i'm leaving for new york. that's across the country. we'll be in different time zones. long distance isn't gonna work." she says still crying.
"so what? you're gonna throw this away just because you're moving to new york? i'm willing to work this out? what about our dreams?" i say, tears starting to fall down my face now.
"chris i really want all of those dreams, but-"
"but what? why won't you try?"
"because it isn't that easy chris! i don't want you waiting for me to get back! i love you and i want to share our dreams but this is a big opportunity for me. i don't want the last time we see each other to be shitty."
i sigh and i hug her. i start to cry more and more. she pulls away and looks back up at me. she smiles and leans over to kiss me. i kiss her back and we are nothing crying and smiling. a lot of mixed emotions.
"i love you. if you decide you want to come back to la, i'll be here. now go live your dreams." i tell her as i pull away.
"i love you too chris." she says shakily.
she gives me one last kiss and grabs her bags and walks out the door. i'm left standing there smiling and crying.
i wish that i could wake up with amnesia
and forget about the stupid little things
like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
and the memories i never can escape
'cause i'm not fine at all
i wake up and i think about y/n. i brush my teeth and i think about y/n. i say good morning to matt and nick and think about y/n. whatever i do, i'm thinking about y/n.
i want it to stop. i want to move on with my life, but i can't. i want to fall asleep next to her. i want to kiss her to make her shut up. i want to hold her hand while we are out and about.
i want everything that i had with her. but at the same time, i wanna forget about all that. she's clearly moved on and is happy. as i'm making me, nick, and matt breakfast, there's a knock on the door.
"who the hell is knocking on our door." nick says getting up to open the doors.
"i don't know. just ignore it and they'll go away." matt tells nick.
the knocking continues and matt is getting annoyed.
"okay who the fuck is that?!" matt says getting up.
"don't worry. i'll deal with it. just watch the stove." i say as i put my spatula on the counter.
as confusion filled my head, i'm walking to the door. i swing the door open and my heart sinks. what is she doing here?!
"y/n?" i say as i walk up to her and embrace her in a hug.
she drops her bags and hugs me back.
"hi chris."
