Burdened

Somebody knock me out before I let myself do something stupid,

I've fucked up already so it's too late for regrets.

I forgot who I am, everything is a haze,

I'm spinning dizzy around while my mind is in space.

All the negative vibes and the petty sighs,

I hate the fall though let's see if I can fly.

What the fuck changed? Why do I feel this way?

When were things better though? Have I ever really been okay?

I'm always stuck in the past of how things were,

Hearing the recordings of her yelling and screaming, all my actions now closely observe.

The sides of family I had to choose,

From age 6 and on, every decision I have made to lose.

I'm scared one day of becoming like her and it's making me lose my mind,

That sounds like something she would say, fuck please just rewind.

My head is too packed with too many words,

Too many memories, it's a fucking curse.

I just want to be alone and lock myself away,

Nobody can fucking want me, I'm just your time to waste.

I can't even tell if I'm awake as it is,

My dreams are too vivid and reality is shit.

I understand if you leave, I feel like I'm just dragging you down,

I'm too broken to help you, so know you don't have to stay around.

I'm sorry for everything and I'm sorry for these thoughts,

I'm sorry for my actions, I know I hurt you a lot.

I'll make it up to you, things are gonna change,

All I know is that I need you, please don't let me push you away.