Embracing my Serotonin

Chapter 47

"Alex not now. Di pa tapos ang kontrata natin." he said while looking at me. I heaved a sigh while looking Andrix. Liyan i love your son, but i don't think i should continue this.

I was just fooling myself if i'll convince myself to not like her. It was her pulling me towards her space that made me question and waver my decision.

I started to like the things that made me annoyed before. I started to like her smiles and laughters. I started to feel something that i've never felt before.

When she asked me if i love Kairon when we went to the amusement park. Her face suddenly appeared in my mind. Nonchalantly answered her with "sobra"

It was me making my life miserable, trying to unlove the person that already made a camp inside my soul. I was trying so hard to conceal everything not knowing that i already hurt her.

"It's our wedding anniversary 3 days from now. Maraming kasusyo ni Daddy ang pupunta. You know what i mean right?" I rolled my eyes while picking my phone. Ano pangaba? I already contact the planner and designer for our wedding anniversary.

I don't know what i'm doing, i made a deal with Cassidy. She really doesn't need to asked me attending her tournament because i'll probably be there. Before the game started, i already there at the corner without her noticing. I just wait for the time where i should appear, i need to calm myself.

I really felt annoyed when she just smiled while pointing the watch that i should buy for Kairon, well that was for the show, i really don't mind at all. However, it's me seeking for her attention. I saw her looked at the crescent necklace. After she visit the venue, i went back to the jewelry shop and bought it. Maybe at the right time, i would be able to give it to her.

I feel like my world suddenly stopped when she confessed later that night in my wedding anniversary. I slapped her twice, god knows how hard i cussed myself for hurting her. She was crying infront of me. I want to respond with the words she wanted to hear from me but i can't, not now. I pushed her away, i let her see my fake side when my real self was already suffering. When i left her at the rooftop, i just sneaked myself looking at her from afar while crying in the middle of the rain. I almost wanted to go back and embrace her but i can't move myself. It's hard, so hard.

For the past days after her confession. She really avoided me. I can't even focus with my lessons for i was too distracted by her presence, by thinking of her. In the library, i was thankful that her friend left her in the discussion room. I lied when i said it's already full when in fact, there's a lot of vacant rooms. I just missed her. I was trying to be focus and act normal but her smells sent shivers through my spine. She's really close yet too far.

"Fuck, Kairon let's stop this. I don't want to hurt her anymore. I'm done pretending Kai. Mahal ko na siya!." I helplessly looking at Kairon. He just heaved a sigh before picking a paper in his pocket. I looked at him confusedly.

"Alex, nawala na sakin ang kapatid mo, ayokong pati ikaw na kaibigan ko, mawala pa sakin." I gulped when i looked at the paper he was holding.

I'm watching all of you. One, two, three, blood may spill in the sea.

"We'd been receiving death threats Alex. Hindi mo lang alam dahil wala ka rito. Isipin mo Alex, kung makikipaghiwalay ka ngayon, baka si Cassidy madamay sa nangyayare satin."

Sinong naglalakas loob na magtangka sa pamilya ko? I asked Kairon about it but he just said , he'll handle everything which i didn't agree. My top priority right now is safety for Andrix.

I tried to stay patient because i know this is not the right time. I endured looking from afar, admiring from afar, stealing glances from afar and hurting from afar, but what can i do? I don't want her to involve with my messy life.

"Follow my demand Miss Alex and i'll swear ibabalik ko sayo ang pamilya mo." I was gripping hard while talking to Keisha. I thought it was secure enough, pero nagawa niyang dukotin sila Kairon at Andrix habang nasa CIU ako.

She's a psychopath. I wanted to tell Cassidy about her psycho blockmate but i'm afraid of what she'd do with Andrix. I left with no choice. I approached Cassidy. I hurt her again. Lage ko nalang siyang nasasaktan.

I was being chained by Keisha, which made it hard for me to move and approached her, lahat ng ginawa ko alam niya. At dumating nga ang kinakakatokan ko, ang masangkot si Cassidy dito. There's no one to blame but me. If i just acted way better for her not notice it, but i failed.

It took me a lot of time to process everything after i saw Kairon's body slowly losing strength. I watched him die infront of me, infront of his son. I can't hold him. He's like my brother, i lost him. I was silently crying.

I want to blame myself but everything just too fast. I'm just thankful , Cassidy was there, she never left my side eversince the incident happened. She helped me and it's embarrasing knowing the pain i caused her, yet she's still there waiting for me to get better. I finally find the courage to tell her what i truly feel.

It's just ironic to think that in order for me to attain the freedom that i deserve, there would be lapses and sacrfices to be offered.

I thought everything was already fine but i never thought i would again face a disaster in my life. For the last time it's again me, myself who caused her to lay in hospital covered with apparatus, with a machine monitoring her life.

I recovered quickly which made me think how, i mean i covered her body, diba dapat ako ang napuruhan? Well that's what i thought. Cassidy's head take too much damage.

"Engineer Alex Lenon Roa, the sister of Airen Liyan Roa. Last time ang kapatid mo ang dahilan kung bakit nawalan ng ala-ala ang anak ko at ngayon ikaw naman? Bakit ba lage niyo nalang nilalagay sa pelegro ang anak ko?!"

I was just staring at Cassidy's Dad. He was mad and i totally understand that. Kung hindi ko ba dinala si Cassidy sakin , di kaya mangyayare to? Guilt consumed me every single time.

"I'm sorry." that's the only thing that i could say right now. It's my fault, if only...

"Wala ng magagawa yang sorry mo! I heard you love my daughter?" i looked at him. He's right, i love her daughter.

"Kung mahal mo ang anak ko. Iwan mo na siya. Sa tingin mo ba may mangyayareng matino sa anak ko pag pinalapit pa kita? Baka ikakamatay na niya pag hayaan pa kita sakanya!."

My heart skip a beat because of what he said. I can't leave her. Kailangan na kailangan ako ni Cassidy ngayon. Fuck.

"Sir i can't do that. I love your daughter! Kailangan niya ko ngayon so please, let me." I was shaking, but he just shooked his head. He was determined to separate us.

"Kailangan ka ng anak ko? Anong magagawa mo kung sakaling maaalala na niya ang lahat? Si Caellum ang totoong mahal ng anak ko , sa tingin mo ba mananatili pa siya sayo pag naka alala na siya? Pag naalala na niyang si Caellum ang fiance niya? Maiichapwera ka lang!"

What the hell is he talking? I looked at Atty. Suarez na kanina pa tahimik sa gilid ni Mr. Castro. Fiance niya si Suarez? Kaya ba ganun nalang mga kilos niya dahil nakatadhana na siya kay Cassidy? Then anong lugar ko? Tangina. No! I'll fucking take her.

"With all due respect, ako ang totoong mahal ng anak mo. I will never let you control my decision just because you're Cassidy's father." I firmly said while clenching my fist. He just smirk.

"Kung mahal ka nga ng anak ko. Kahit man maka alala yun at ikaw parin ang mahal niya despite knowing about Caellum then maybe......hahayaan kita." he said while turning his back. A smile creeped in the corner of my lips but it immediately fade when he spoke the words that left me with no choice, i'll gamble my destiny with this.

"5 years. If mahal kapa ng anak ko sa panahong yan, hahayaan ko kayo pero pagsalungat ang nangyare, wag na wag mo na siyang gugulohin. For now, I want you to leave her alone."