The Red String of Fate

15. "I Can't"

"Ryeon" He stopped her "Where is this coming from?" He asked, unsure what triggered this epiphany. "Hey.." he softly let out as he saw her head droop down and reached over to hold her by her cheeks. Seeing tears start to form in her eyes he tenderly asked for her to speak "Talk to me" he calmly let out while fixating his eyes on hers.

Ryeon shakily let out what she was thinking. "It's just, I see how much you care for me and I mean me just saying this just makes me frustrated because it feels like I'm always the one getting in the way of us but I don't want to keep everything to myself and slowly break myself down... What do I do, Jungil?" She blurted out the last line as tears continued to pool at her waterline.

Jungil held her gaze for a few more moments and rested his head between her shoulder, allowing her to wrap her arms around his torso. Letting out a sigh as he felt her arms tighten around his waist and silence filled the bathroom. Waiting for Jungil to reply, he finally did. "We'll be fine, Ryeon." He let out, which was intercepted by Ryeon's questioning, "How do you know, Jungil?"

Jungil pulled back from over her shoulder and stood in front of her. "Because it's you" he stated, gazing at every feature on Ryeon's face, trying to take in all of her beauty. "After the punishment-"
"Jungil" Ryeon said, feeling uneasy about the punishment situation and how it left the both of them, "No, listen. After the punishment, I think something changed inside of me. I know I already told you I SEE you but I FEEL you too."

Ryeon continued to hold Jungil by the waist as he expressed his feelings but they were quickly placed elsewhere, on Jungil's chest over his beating heart. "Being there was excruciating. I knew, of course, it wasn't anywhere fun but the pain I felt Ryeon-" His voice cracking accompanied by a hyperventilation of his breath, he quickly looked up and rapidly blinked to stop any tears from coming.

Ryeon only felt worse and her lips only drooped further in compassion, seeing him go through the motions she would never wish on anyone. Feeling him tighten the grip of his hand around her own on his chest, she stayed still, waiting for him to relieve himself of all he carried on his back for the past 6 months

"It's breathtaking, in the most depressing way possible. Walking until I couldn't anymore and then having to crawl because there was no such thing as an end. While carrying my life behind me, I felt it all." He said, fixing his eyes on hers, eyebrows knotted up while trying to talk through his most vulnerable moments.

"And seeing how it was all but 6 months, I cannot imagine centuries of that pain. Ryeon, I.. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I know I cannot change the past but I, we have control of us now." Stressing the importance of the last word, insinuating to just focus on the present. "Whatever you feel, awkwardness, sadness, boredom, frustration, feel them and tell me. I could never fault you for feeling the things you feel."

"Because we both know this" pointing his index finger back and forth between them "isn't even supposed to exist" he solemnly let out, feeling a sense of gloom wash over him mixed with gratitude for their being together. Drooping his head down, he quickly remembered why they were in the bathroom and quickly shot his head up.

"Fuck Ryeon, you gotta get to the office, we can talk when you get back, okay?" He asked reassuring her that it was nothing personal of him cutting their conversation short. "Okay," Ryeon replied, putting on a stoic face, one she always put on when she felt conflicted. Jungil caught a glimpse of the facial expression and chose not to comment on it.

Placing her in the shower and helping her wash up, Ryeon didn't speak and Jungil didn't interrupt the silence that filled the bathroom. Putting her clothes on while Trying to steal glances at each other without the other noticing, they both knew what drove them to this silence; "Isn't even supposed to exist", which made them both reflect on their relationship.