Imagines ~ Formula 1 Drivers

It Ain't Me

“My career always comes first.”

As I closed the door behind me, the whole world felt like it was slowly shutting down around me. I shut my eyes, not able to deal with what just happened.

I must have stayed at the entrance of my hotel room for at least ten minutes without moving when the ringtone on my phone brought me back to reality. I couldn’t look at it. What if it was him ? More importantly, what if it wasn’t ? 

As midnight came, I was surrounded by darkness but I didn’t feel like turning the lights on just yet. Staying in the dark was much better for now, literally speaking. 

As the sadness crept in, something else took place deep down in my stomach. Anger, so much anger. We spent a year together, it didn’t seem like much yet it felt like a lifetime.
As I finally walked to my room and struggled to get to my bed without falling apart my eyes settled on the desk next to it.

There was the polaroid we took no more than a week ago, him laughing his ass off as I was trying to kiss his cheek. As dark as it was I could clearly see the picture, my eyes started watering.

Next to it was a little note, written on a napkin, that said “Went for a run, didn’t want to wake you, I love you” with a tiny heart next to it.

I remembered seeing it a few days ago as he had slept in my room the night  before and had left early in the morning without me noticing. He knew how much I hated it when I wasn’t able to see him leaving and it was his way of apologizing I guess.

My phone rang again, bringing me again back to reality. A harsh reality that I was glad I was able to escape even if it was just for a second. But I had to face the truth. Lando and I were done. His cute words and pictures didn’t mean anything anymore. But did it ever ?

I threw away my phone on the bed next to me, hoping it could shut it for a while. But obviously as it hadn’t already been a shitty day I watched it as it bounced on the bed and fell on the floor.

And ladies and gentlemen this is how you make a grownup woman cry.
I could barely breathe as I loudly sobbed. Here I was, standing in my room, crying my eyes out, my phone on the floor, still lighting up as I kept on getting messages.

I didn’t have the energy to respond or talk to anyone, especially when you consider that I couldn’t even see what was in front of me with the tears blurring my vision.
How was I still standing when everything inside of me was slowly dying ?

Lando Norris, the man who I thought was the love of my life, had broken up with me.
A year and half of a relationship thrown away in the span of an hour. It shouldn’t be that easy to ruin everything, right ?

I always thought that one of our main strengths as a couple was our communication but remembering the last couple of weeks, well, we weren’t at our best. Lando had had a hard time with his car and his results clearly weren’t there but I couldn't even remember having a discussion that wasn’t about something else than his racing career for a while.

I knew it was a huge part of his life and always was going to be but as my job consisted of taking care of all his social media and Daniel’s, it was hard to talk about anything else. But lately it seemed that we didn’t have anything else to say to each other apart from that, but none of us dared to bring it up. Until he did.
I just couldn't understand how everything could have escalated so quickly.

“Hey babe, sorry I’m a bit late but Daniel wanted to show me his new helmet for the next race ! Have you seen it ? I love the colors !”

Lando doesn’t answer me right away as he is standing next to the door, waiting for me to come in.