A Melody We Were Never Supposed To Hear

Medicine

The fact that he must had changed so much in the two years that he'd been with the Agency was a balm on all of the uneasiness that would sometimes creep up on her at the sight of the detective. So when she heard from Atsushi that the man in question had been singing a song about struggling to change, her concerns for the man and everyone around him had spiked. 

Yosano had kept an eye on the detective through the day, looking for any breaks in his character that might suggest that the song had only been that, a song. She hadn't been happy when she found the jagged edges on the normally seamless mask that the man wore. She'd seen the way that he'd been almost unnaturally quite through the day, as if keeping himself in check, the way that he'd pointedly ignored Ranpo's gaze, and how he forced himself away from everyone else before he did something that he'd regret. It wasn't the first time that he had gotten like this, he'd done so this time last year as well, but it seemed worse this year.

Atsushi couldn't help the wave of anxiety that washed over him as he and Yosano crept silently up the stairs to the Agency. He didn't like the idea of bringing someone else into this, even if it was Dr. Yosano, but he knew that someone else needed to know what was going on with Dazai, even if all they got from the experience was a boundless silence or an another round of the suicide song, he couldn't help but thinking that on the off chance that something was really wrong, someone else needed to know, someone that could actually do something to help save the person that had saved him, the person that hates receiving help.

The pair quietly crouched and sat down in front of the door, waiting for something to happen of the other side of it. They'd only been there for a few minutes when a quite voice came through the thin Agency walls. The words weren't anything that either of them wanted to hear.

"I think I'm gonna be sick
I'll make the headlines again
'Cause I took my prescription with the doctor's permission
But the pain just don't wanna quit."

Yosano's eyes went wide at the words coming out the detective's mouth, out of all of the things that she had expected, this hadn't been on the list, not because it was drug related, but because it had said that it was a prescription that he had taken, one given to him by an actual doctor at that and Dazai's file was next to bare as he avidly refused to go anywhere near her office.

"I think I'm outta touch
With this invention of living
'Cause I saw movie magic and brought up the act
But all that I could find was pain, ooh"

Atsushi couldn't stop the tremor that went through his body at the other detective's words. Everyone knew about the man's suicidal habits, had seen the effects of them to the point that they didn't even seem serious anymore, but hearing him talk like this made it a lot more real and made him feel bad for thinking that it hadn't been so before.

"Uh-oh
The pills they gotta go
The doctor, she don't need to know
Hey, hey, hey

"Hey, you're okay
Same shit, but it's a different day
Hey, you're okay
Now listen, I can't be everything
It's me or the medicine"

The pair glanced at each other at the lyrics that they had just heard, but each for a different reason. 

Atsushi looked to the doctor to see if she had heard the vulgar language that the other detective had used, something that he only heard the man use when frustrated, like the day that they had met, but she looked at him as if to confirm all of the statements that had caught her attention.

Yosano didn't like that fact that the detective that was supposed to be her friend and colleague and even patient if he would ever agree to come to her office with his troubles, thought that she didn't need to know the medical things about him. What she liked even less was the phrase that the younger had used, 'same shit but it's a different day' it told her that this had been going on for a long time now, at least tracing back to his time in the mafia. What added to the idea and the worry was the phrases that followed not much longer after. 'Now listen, I can't be everything. It's me or the medicine' the phrase all but proved the fact the he was worried about going back to acting the way that he had been before, going to who he had been before.