Fall Apart- R.J.L

the trials and tribulations of loving a corpse

I pull back the curtain slightly. There she lays. Her hair is splayed around her messily. Her body is limp, skin pale, bandages cover most of her arms and hands. The blood has been washed from her skin and yet she still looks deathly pale. Purple rings under her eyes and bruises on her neck I didn't notice before make my stomach churn. What fucking happened Teddy?
I lean down and gently move some hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. Her skin is so cold. Now closer to her face I see the slight purple tinge to her lips. Is she even alive? No she must be. I think that was a breath? Is she breathing?
I lean down and put my ear above her face. I wait with bated breath when I finally feel a slight breeze on my cheek and hear the gentle exhale.
She's alive.
Thank fucking Merlin

I sit on the chair next to her hospital bed and hold the tips of her fingers, the parts not covered in bandages. I kiss her hand softly and wait.
I wait and wait and wait. Waiting for her to wake up and tell me I look like shit. Waiting for her to wake up and kiss me and tell me everythings alright. Waiting for her.

But nothing happens. She doesn't wake up and at some point I fall asleep, my head resting on her bed, my hands still holding her's.

"Mr. Lupin...." A soft voice whispers as my shoulder is shaken slightly. I blink myself awake and look up from where my head had been rested on the edge of Teddy's hospital bed. The ward is still engulfed in darkness but I can make out Madam Pomfrey's face as she looks down on me.
"You shouldn't be here Remus."
"M'sorry Mad'm." I mumble sleepily, rubbing my eye with my hand that's not wrapped tightly around Teddy's fingers.
"You should sleep in your dorm, you can return first thing in the morning."
"Poppy...."
"Remus I know, I know you think you can't leave her but I promise she'll be right here in the morning. I promise."
"I can't."
"Remus-"
"I'm sorry I just- I can't. I can't leave her. Ever again. This is what happens when I leave her alone. She's so fucking stupid she goes and almost dies when I'm not with her."
"Remus I'm sure there was more to it than that, and I'm sure it wasn't you're fault. This isn't your fault Remus."
"Yes it is! You don't get it! It was my birthday, it was my party, I let her leave, I didn't go looking for her until it was too late! I was too fucking late!" I raise my voice a little too much and Madam Pomfrey flinches slightly. I cringe at that. She knows what I am, sometimes I forget that fact. She knows if I wanted to, I could kill her, or worse.

"Sorry....I shouldn't have raised my voice."
"You shouldn't have, but I understand and I truly believe this was not your fault Remus. Look, I'll let you stay tonight. Only tonight."
"Thank you Poppy, truly, thank you."
"Mmm, I didn't see this."
"Of course....Poppy?"
"Yes?"
"Is she- will she ever- is she gonna be okay?"
"Remus...she lost a lot of blood, if you hadn't brought her to me the second you did, if you hadn't bandaged her up as you did, she would not be hear with us right now. I believe she will recover, but I'm afraid I can't say when that may be. It may be a long time until she is back to her usual self, she may never get back there. It's clear that Ms.Malfoy-"
"Teddy."
"-Teddy, it's clear that Teddy, has undergone a lot of trauma, both mental and physical. Her physical wounds will heal yes, but those mental wounds...they may take much longer."
"Right....but she will wake up? At somepoint?"
"Yes, I believe she will wake up,at somepoint."
"Okay...okay. Then here I'll wait."
"Remus, you can't wait forever."
"Poppy have you ever loved anyone?"
"Mr. Lupin I don't believe that is an appropriate question."
"Well look, if you loved someone, truly loved them, mind numbing, heart wrenching, stomach sickening love. Would you just move on when things got hard?"
"Alright, I understand."
"Thank you for letting me stay."
"Yes yes alright, but I mean it when I say it's for one night and one night only."
"Of course."
"Goodnight Mr.Lupin."
"Goodnight Madam Pomfrey."