Awkward hugs

Chapter Twenty

When Castiel went to college he and Dean drifted apart. They were still friends, just not the way they were. They never officially 'broke up', but they didn't really consider themselves together in that way anymore. Castiel spent most of his time studying at college while Dean decided to work at an auto repair shop. College wasn't his cup of tea. It wasn't till after Castiels book was publish and became a number one best seller did they start reconnecting again. Dean wasn't much of a reader, but he read that book inside and out. It was about castiels life and a big part of that book was about him and Dean. It talked about their friendship and their relationship. Cas even wrote about how they weren't together anymore and that was the biggest regret of his life. Dean started receiving emails and letters from the fans of the book saying how he and Cas should get back together. There was a lot of talk about wanting "Destiel to become canon" again. Whatever the hell that meant.

Dean was twenty six years old when he called Cas and asked him if he wanted to get something to eat. It was the first time in four years Castiel genuinely smiled. They were never sure how they drifted apart, maybe it was not being together constantly or maybe they just needed some space for awhile. Neither of them saw anyone else. It never felt right when they were with someone else.

Dean wasn't the same without Castiel. He started to drink like his father did. He was turning into his father. A lone and a drunk. Sam was In Stanford with his girlfriend, Jessica. Gabriel decided not to go to college, but instead used his money to open up his own candy store. John said that was foolish, but Gabriel disagreed. Everyone likes candy and he was right. Gabriel was pretty successful. He didn't have a girlfriend, but more of a friend with benefits. Gabriel wasn't interested in a serious relationship and neither was she. They worked well together.

Castiel was no longer a clueless teenager. He was a responsible adult who took things too literal sometimes. He still wore the blue tie Dean gave him every chance he got. It reminded him of when they were happy together.

Dean picked Castiel up from his apartment and took him to a coffee shop. They got their drinks and sat down. They weren't really sure what to say to each other. It's been a long time since they did this. "Congrats on your book, man. It was really good." Dean said looking up at Cas. He missed his blue eyes.

"Thank you, Dean. I'm glad you enjoyed it." He smiled up at Him. They stayed in silence awhile before anyone spoke again.

"Damnit Cas what happened to us?" Dean asked. He didn't even know why they went their separate ways in the first place. Maybe it was because they weren't teenagers anymore and had concept of what life really was like. Not just fun and games and fooling around.

"I don't know Dean...." He said looking down. "I know I missed you though. It's been to long time . Way too long" he said. He found himself smoothing his Tie. It was crooked, but he didn't care that much.

"Things been going good for you though. I see your name everywhere now." Dean said. It was hard for Dean seeing the man he once love so dearly everywhere he went. They barely even spoke these last four years. Dean realized that what was wrong in his life was because he didn't have Cas by his side anymore and nothing seemed right. He wanted to be young again when he and Cas thought they would take on the world together. Just the two of them and their pain in the asses brothers.

Castiel shrugged. He wrote that book because he missed Dean. It was the only place he could go and feel like everything was together again. Castiel was like a puzzle a five year old put together. Some of the pieces jammed in the wrong spot, some pieces missing, but still looks okay far away. "It's been hard too." Cas said not looking up at Dean.

"Really? You're 25 and have a best seller. Not really seeing what's been hard." Said Dean leaning back in his chair.

"Ever since......I don't know....it's just that I feel like something is missing." Castiel looked sad. He was missing Dean. He missed the way he smelled, the way he laughed, the way he smiled, he missed his hugs and his terrible singing. He just missed Dean fucking winchester, his best friend, his boyfriend, his hero.

Dean felt like he was missing something too. Nothing had been right. Everything was just weird. "What happened to the teenage Cas?" Dean asked. Maybe that's why they grew apart. They were growing up and maybe Dean wasn't ready to grow up. Dean didn't know anymore.

"I've grown up, Dean. I'm still me....just I learned a lot." Castiel smiled a little. He liked himself better today than his teenage self. He was a wreck then.

"How about we go back to my place and see much how much you have changed, huh?" Dean said a slight smiling forming. Castiel nods. He could never say no to going over to deans. Dean took Cas home with him. There were another pile of letters in deans mailbox. It was getting quite ridiculous now, Dean just left them in there. Dean took cas up to his apartment. It wasn't anything special, but it felt like Dean. It was small, but Dean made it his.

Once Dean closed the door to his apartment he pushed Castiel up against the wall. Dean kissed him over and over again. Castiel tried to keep up with Dean, but he had a hard time. Dean wanted to do this for so long. Maybe Castiel wasn't completely the same as when he first met him, but he wasn't either. Maybe it was time to let go and face that he might love Castiel more. It just took him quite awhile to realize that change didn't always mean something bad.

Dean tore off castiels dirty coat and unbuttoned his shirt. He pushed Castiel on the couch and climbed on top of him. "Still like this?" Dean asked taking off his own shirt. Castiel nodded pulling Dean down towards him. Their hands became acquainted with one another again. Moving together. Castiel pushed Dean off the couch and landed on top of him.

"Tell me if you want to stop." Said Cas unbuckling deans pants. He pushed his hand down deans jeans. He touched him slowly.

"C-c-Cas..." Dean said moving his hips up against castiels hand. Castiel smirked teasing Dean. Dean moaned when Castiel finally slipped his hands down his underwear. Castiel had his other hand on the side of deans head. He looked so beautiful. He missed Dean so much. He won't leave him again. He couldn't.

Castiel shoved deans pants down to his ankles. He put his mouth on Dean. Dean closed his eyes and ran his hands through castiels hair. He remembered when he did this to Cas for the first time. He Remembered How good it felt. It felt better this time. Everything felt better this time.

Dean and Cas did what they hadn't in four years, they loved each other again. They slept together side by side. Their limbs tangled with each other's. They felt like the found that missing piece. They felt the click when they first meant. They felt like two stupid teenagers in love again. Ready to give up anything for each other. And they did give up everything for each other. They gave up their lives they had been living for the past four years. They moved into a house together. They would still receive emails and letters from fans of the book and telling dean and cas how much they helped the,. When they did get a rude letter Dean and Cas would laugh at them together. Not everything went okay with them. There were agreements and disagreements, something they had to get used to. They used to never fight before, but they knew everything would work out because they had each other.