The Liam Star

Chapter One

~ Chapter One ~

Do you every get that lump in your throat, when you’re about to cry? It’s just a solid bump, preventing you from swallowing or talking? And you just want to cry and throw yourself in someone else’s arms, someone who you know will take care of you, but you can’t because you’re everyone’s looking up to you, awaiting to see your reactions? No matter how much you just want the ground to swallow you alive, it doesn’t. And that weird pit feeling in your stomach, you feel like your whole stomach just drops. It’s not a very pleasant feeling. You really just want to scream, but you can’t. Your fingers start to shake uncontrollably, and you feel your toes curl. Every limb on your body is numb and cold.

And that’s exactly how I feel at this present time.

Everyone would rub my back, trying to calm me down, saying things like “I’m so sorry for your loss” but they will never be. They’ll never know what it’s like to lose someone you truly loved, someone you’ve known for about your entire life. Never. And I sincerely believe that no one should feel that way. Nobody.

His cold body is in my arms, and I can feel people’s gazes piercing my back. I couldn’t careless though. In a far distance, I hear loud sirens, probably coming for him. For Liam. I stroke his cheek, knowing I won’t ever be able to do this again. Fixing the hair from his forehead, I feel so guilty, because it’s my fault that he’s here, lying on the ground…dead.

My fault, not anyone else’s, I’m the one to blame.

His eyes were still open, and they look so lifeless. What was once a pair of bright, beautiful and full of life eyes, are now empty, shallow, dull and lifeless. I see a drip of water appear on his eyes and I look up hopefully, expecting him to show me some sign of life. But he doesn’t. I realise that the drip of water belonged to me; I was crying. I don’t cry. I never cried, I hated crying because I always felt venerable, especially in front of other people. But right now, I don’t even care.

I just want my Liam to wake up, and tell me that this is some silly, stupid prank he’s pulling on me with Louis. But he doesn’t wake. It’s not a joke, its real life, this is actually happening.

I carefully, puts his eyes to rest, by swiping my hand in front of his face. I’ve simply put him to rest. He’s not dead, he’s in a peaceful sleep, I try to convince myself this, but I still can’t wrap my fingers around the fact that he’s actually sleeping.

“Why did you have to leave me, Liam? Please, wake up.” I sob desperately, shaking his body violently. Giving up, I rest my head on his chest, and sob into his t-shirt. I hear the commotion around me, and I realise that the loud sirens are right behind me. Adjusting myself, I grip his torso tightly and plant a kiss on his lips. They were awfully cold and tasted of gravel. I didn’t even care.

Out of nowhere, someone snaps me out of my moment and pulls me away from Liam. I kick and thrash against the person. I wanted to stay by Liam.

“No! Let me go! Liam…Liam. LIAM NO. DON’T TAKE HIM! PUT ME DOWN! LIAM!”  I protested, screaming as loud as I possibly could, my hands reached out to the person that was currently taking Liam away from me, loading his body onto an ambulance stretcher. I was being carried away, while some random person was sitting beside Liam. That should’ve been me.

“Miss, calm down please” a voice begs me, and I’m guessing that it’s the ambulance worker. I didn’t bother listening to whoever it was; I just wished that I had more time with Liam.

“Here, give her to me” Someone said, their voice cracking and shaking. I recognised that voice – Niall’s. I reached out my arms for Niall, and I was immediately engulfed by his big arms, caressing me. At this point, we didn’t care. We cried endlessly, as well as the other three boys, for the loss of the most wonderful person we had loved endlessly, as well as had just lost.

It had only then hit me that I had lost Liam for good. I shuddered out of his warm, soft arms and ran towards the ambulance, the hot tears in my eyes blinding me from seeing. People were restraining me from getting into the ambulance with Liam, but their yells were oblivious to me. I completely blocked them out.

Suddenly, someone wrapped their arms around me and carried me away. Thrashing, I kick and scream, my head facing the ambulance, and with each and every step the person took, the farther away I got from Liam.

Once the person put me down, I realised I was looking into Zayn’s brown eyes. He held my face in place, hands cupped around my cheeks, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Brietta, honey, you need to calm down. Your name means strong, you have to be strong, please, for all of us.” His warm breath hits me in the face, and I realise he’s right – Liam took care of the boys, whatever he did, the boys did; like the follow the leader game. With Zayn’s statement, I realise that it’s me who Zayn, Niall, Louis and Harry and looking up to.

Standing up, straight and tall, I decide I will be strong. Brietta, the meaning of my name is to be strong after all.

I walk up to each of the boys and wipe away their tears. “Guys, we will get through this – as one.” I stammer out, as loud and brave as I possibly could. But right now my voice was shaking uncontrollably, I felt as if I wasn’t in control of myself.

But Louis gives a big nod of approval as flashes a small semi-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes – but it’s the best he could give at the moment. I swiftly wrap my arms around his neck and rub his back, calming his down. But he starts to cry into the crook of my neck, and his tears and soaking my shirt. But I don’t care, because right now, I’m in need of a hug.

Niall, Zayn, and Harry and join in and it becomes a big group hug.

Looking up at the stars, I stammer out “you’re not gone for good Liam – you still exist as my Liam star.” I take a quick look at what star in the night sky has become My Liam Star.