Sincerely, Wilbur Soot

Dear My Brothers and Father

Wilbur lowered the pen, staring at the words he etched onto the paper with a pained expression. Techno's smile was always so warm and bright. Even when his older brother didn't realize it, Wilbur would notice his hands fidget whenever he talked about something he enjoyed. It was nice. He wasn't sure if he wanted it to end.

I don't want to die.

I really don't want to die. 

I want to go home and hug my father. I want to hear Techno talk about his favorite book. I want to go swimming with Tommy. I want to learn the song he loves on my guitar that my mother bought me. I want to see my mom again.

Mom always had the sweetest smile. She would laugh at Tommy's inappropriate jokes and Father would lecture the both of them. There were ups and downs; times where she scared me. They were just bursts of anger. Mother never meant any harm when she yelled at us. We know she wasn't the best in parenting, but she was still someone we loved dearly. None of you would be here without her. I miss her so much, and I know you do too, Father. I want her back.

After being silent for a moment, Wilbur let out a small sob. He closed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall down the tip of his nose. It was hard to remain quiet on that ledge, unfortunately he couldn't stop a gasp or two from escaping his mouth. Wilbur's sobs echoed through the silent park, his grip on the pen tight as he tried to write his letter. The handwriting was messier than before.

For Tommy, I wish the best for you. I hope you achieve that silly dream of yours where you become president. I'm sorry I laughed when you told me about your aspiration, I promise you'll be the best damn president the world's ever seen. And I won't be able to see that day. I'm so sorry. I really am.

You still remember how to play the guitar, right? Just like how I taught you? If you're ever feeling sad thinking about me, please Tommy, work on your skills. Fiddle with the strings to your hearts content. You can even stare at it and imagine me playing you the most beautiful song in history; just anything Tommy, anything other than hurting yourself. It'd make me so sad, and you don't want to make me sad, right?

You're such a big man, Tommy.

Wilbur paused, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. He took a shuddering breath as he looked up at the sky, quiet sobs leaking from his mouth. It was a full moon. The lake was utter silence, not even the park beside it emitting noise. 

He'd always appear happy to the ones he loved, eager to conceal his disheveled feelings from his family and friends. He didn't want them to worry. He couldn't bear to see the tears welled up in his families eyes if he ever told them what his thoughts had been over the course of three years. His family don't even know he's here; he told them hs was going for a walk. Wilbur was a coward, and he knew it.

Dad, I feel as though I owe an apology to you the most. I know I haven't been the kindest toward you, and I've known for all these years. Simply writing such a sentence feels bitter, but I hope you know my intentions aren't identical. Father, we've both had our vulnerable moments. We've both seen it. The day mother died, I saw you crack, a single tear sliding down your face as you hugged your three children. And you saw me break, staying silent despite my tendency to be loud and obnoxious.

We were both greatly affected by her death. We all were. I tried to move on by throwing in light jokes, but grief quickly turned to anger. I'm so sorry for starting those arguments. I'm so sorry for being a terrible son. I'm so sorry for leaving you all behind like this. Mother would've never liked for us to be so distant, which is why I feel the need to tell you this now.

I love you. 

My father who has raised me, seen my most vulnerable moments, and has never left my side despite all of the expletives and imprecations I tossed his way, I love you.