LOVING MYSELF BETTER THAN HE CAN

WHISPERS OF HEALING

"Ava Summer Santos" tawag sa akin ng isang nurse habang nakaupo ako dito sa waiting room ng therapy clinic ni Dr. Sofia. It's my second time to come here, the first wasn't good at all. It seems like my first ever real session today, a step towards healing the pain that had been with me for a long time.

As I was about to stand, Dr. Sofia opened the door to her office, meeting my eyes with warmth and kindness. Agad niya akong pinapasok, I felt assurance in her voice and her eyes tell that she understands my existence. The room felt calm and safe, a place where I could share her deepest fears and struggles. It smells like lavender, my favorite scent.

"Take a sit", she offered me to sit on the soft and comfortable couch. But as she started to get that thing again, bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko like I want to run and doubting if tama ba ang desisyon kong gawin ito.

Huminga ako ng malalim, pinakiramdaman ang aking sarili. Hesitated to tell everything about my past. but then....

"I've carried my past for so long, Dr. Sofia," I confessed quietly with hesitation in my voice. Agad siyang tumingin sa akin, with those calm eyes that make my heart feel warmth. 

But as I closed my eyes, I've seen all the things that happened to me. 

"It's been suffocating me, taking away my happiness," I whispered.

Tumabi siya sa akin and touch my right hand, our eyes met and she was like telling me that she understand it.  "Your journey to healing starts now, Ava. It takes bravery to face the pain that haunts you. Remember, you're not alone."

She instructed me to take a few deep breaths. And as I did it, I felt myself being unable to move my body. Until tears fell into my eyes, while my voice shook as I shared pieces of my past, the hurts that still affected me deeply. I started spoke some of my broken dreams, toxic relationships, and the self-doubt that had held me back.

"Everything was messy." then I opened my eyes with relief. Dr. Sofia was still beside me, she nodded with a smile, showing empathy. "The pain you feel is real, Ava. But remember, pain can heal. Together, we'll untangle the knots and find your inner strength."

Tears welled up in my  eyes. "I want to believe that, Dr. Sofia. I want to find peace and take control of my life again." hindi ko alam kung saan ko ba mahahanap ang peace na gusto ko, I don't know where to start.

"You're here, Ava, taking the first step towards reclaiming your power. It won't be easy, but I'll be with you every step of the way."

If this was the start, I hope there's an ending where I can found the real happiness without him. Kung saan mas mahal ko na ang sarili ko kaysa sa iba.