Keep me closer

Chapter 36

(Some time into tour)

(Location: Berlin, Germany)

(TW: Mentions of Suicide)

(Sunday)

-Billie's POV-

I walk behind my management team as we go into our hotel. There was so many fans surrounding us and I wanted to run off and say hi to all of them and hugs all of them but I was overwhelmed.

We get our room keys and then we go to our rooms and mom follows me into my room. I go into the room and mom put my suitcase down and starts putting my stuff away.

We are on a tour stop so we get to chill out. I lay on the bed and go on my phone. "Mom can I have a pasi please" I say, and mom looks at me with a concerned face, and I could feel myself slipping and getting upset.

"Hun, I'm sorry, it looks like you forgot to pack them" mom says, tears welding up in my eyes. "Oh no no no don't cry sweetheart, don't cry" mom says, getting up and running over.

Mom picks me up and a loud sob escapes my mouth. Mom starts rubbing my back, while whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I just want my pasi.

"Hunny it's ok, your ok" mom says, as I put my fingers into my mouth. Mom holds me close as I keep crying and then there was a knock on my door.

Mom walks over to the door, still holding me and opens it. "Hey, is billie ok" finneas asks, walking in and closing the door. "She had asked for a pasi but she forgot to pack them" mom says, making me cry more.

"Wan pasi mom" i say, kicking my leg. "I know hunny" mom says, rubbing my back. "I think i have a empty bottle in my backpack and I quickly run to the store to get some oat milk" finneas says, and mom sighs in relief.

"Yea, please do that, thank you Finn" mom says, as finneas leaves. "Billie sweetheart, calm down, Finneas is going to get you a bottle, it's ok hun" mom says, and I go quiet when I heard bottle.

I cuddle into mom, sucking my fingers, as mom runs her fingers through my hair. After what felt like forever, finneas was back and he had my bottle.

"Milky gimme milky" i say, reaching for it but he passes it to mom. "Thank you finneas" mom says, putting the bottle in my mouth and I start drinking it.

Finneas kisses my head and then leaves. Mom wipes the tears off my face as I drink my bottle and I smile. "Your ok sweetheart" mom says, and I cuddle into her more, smiling.

I love my mom. She makes me feel safe.

(A few hours later)

I cry harder into my hands as I'm sitting on the floor, and my knees to my chest. I can just end it all here. Just jump, and all my pain will end.

I cry more from the thoughts, barely able to breath, as I shove my head into my knees. JUST FUCKING JUMP YOU PUSSY. YOUR LIVE IS MEANINGLESS.

I cover my mouth as I cry harder and my breath gets shaky. I want to die. I want all it to end. I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and a familiar scent filling my nose. Mom.

"M-mom" I say, breaking down more, melting into her. I feel her kiss my head as she rubs my back. "Let it out sweetie" she says, resting her head on mine. "I'm here for you billie" mom says, hugging me tighter, and I start calming down from her embrace.

She moves back a bit, holding my face in her hands, and she kisses my nose. "Match my breathing bil" mom says, starting to take deep breaths.

After a few minutes, I was calm. Mom moved us to the bed, my head laying on her chest, as she rubs my back.

"Your my beautiful girl, I'm so happy your my daughter, I'm so happy your alive" mom says, holding me closer, and I smile, knowing she will protect me.

(Time Skip: night time)

I turn off the bathroom light, stubbing out of it, and getting into my bed. My door opens and i see my dad. "Hey b, your mom told me what happened, I have your favorite book from when you were a kid" he says, showing it to me.

"Ok" i say, as he closes and locks the door. I lay in bed and he does too, turning on his head lamp, making me laugh a little.

I cuddle into him, holding my stuffie close, and I see that he has a bottle. "Here hunny, I thought you would like it" he says, giving it to me and I smile and start drinking it.

-Patrick's POV-

I keep reading the story to Billie, as she drinks her bottle and cuddles her stuffie and me. I laugh a little, seeing her eyes half closed, so I hold her bottle up and keep reading.

Once I was done with the book, she was asleep. I turn off the light, take it off, put the book and light on the nightstand. I take the bottle out of Billie's mouth as she is asleep, and I fall asleep, smiling, knowing she's safe.

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