Flutter |h.s|

for the first time

Once I'm out the door I just let my feet take me wherever they feel, keeping my head down. I'll find some place to eat eventually. It's not like I live that far from the action in London.

How did I get to this point? I've never felt this low in my entire life, which is ironic considering I'm at probably the height of my career. Fine Line did great, the tour went so well, and yet I'm not even close to being happy. The addition of the breakup being so public is what's making it worse. I've never had a public break up like this before. Usually I can silently end things with the girl I'm with and we can stay friends, but with Lexie everything had to be so public.

The red flags were obvious from the beginning. She just wanted fame and to be associated with who people would argue is the most sought after man in the world. She probably is expecting a break up album dedicated to her. She might just get her wish considering there's nothing else for me to write about and I'm feeling really low.

Looking back, I know I didn't love her. I just convinced myself I did because I was alone. I was probably better off not getting involved with her, maybe then I would have been able to find the girl I'm meant to be with sooner.

She has to be out there somewhere, I know it. I don't think about that kind of stuff much, soulmates and destiny, but every once in a while I do. Enough to make me think that there might be something to all of it. And if there isn't, I'll just be alone forever. I'm not sure I'd be able to trust someone again after Lexie.

Turning a corner, I continue walking, not quite sure where I am, but not seeing anyone around. As long as I'm avoiding the big crowds, I think I'll be okay. Then again, they might not recognize me with my grown out facial hair and overall haggard appearance. I've let myself go the past few weeks and have no intention of fixing myself anytime soon.

How the media would eat this up. Lexie's all bounced back with a new boyfriend while Harry's all disheveled and heartbroken. My street cred would plummet.

Maybe I should get out of London. Lexie's in LA, so that's out of the question, but there's always New York. I love it there and it's not tainted with memories of her. I have so many good friends over there and there's just something about that city that feels like home. I can't put my finger on it though.

I'll have to talk to my team about that, but New York is definitely an option.

I turn another corner, keeping my head down still even though there's nobody around. I just do my best thinking when I shut out the rest of the world. Hopefully I can make sense of how shitty my personal life is.

This should be the happiest time of my life. I'm closer than ever to my family, single, and about to get back to doing what I love, music. I should be taking this time to go to clubs and get drunk and sleep with random girls.

But that's just not the life I want anymore. I want commitment. I want to feel loved and for someone to accept my love. A life of meaningless sex and focusing on work is unfulfilling.

This is going to be a rough time, but I'm just going to focus on my friendships and my fans. They're gonna be what matters the most because I know they will love me and accept me.

Harry, you just have to focus on yourself. Fuck love.

Halfway through the block, I run into someone. Literally. We collide into each other. My eyes widen when I see a camera leave this person's hand, an expensive looking camera, and quickly catch it, not wanting to be the reason their camera shatters.

"Sorry 'bout that!" I apologize, finally looking at the person in front of me.

All the air leaves my lungs the second my eyes see hers. It feels like I've been punched in the chest, but strangely in a good way. She is gorgeous, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.