shitty stupid texts.

my first love was my bestfriend.

i think i'll never get over my first love.
not in a way i'm still in love with her, i've had a few romances after that.
but i know she'll always have a place in my heart and i'll always have a piece of her in me, in the way i see the world, in the way i hear music, in the way i look at the starts.
i think no one trully forgets about the first time they fall in love, like, really fall in love, not like a summer romance, but like a feeling thats lasts for years.
i met my first love in third grade, at that time i still didn't know what love was(nor did i know i was atracted to girls)
i only knew i liked being around her, it didn't matter how bad she would treat me at first.
years latter we became friends, bestfriends even, but i'd still feel something "more".
the pandemic was when it hit me, i was on 6th grade and i tought to myself "i like girls, i like her." from that day on i kept trying to find a way to tell her, tell her about how i felt, about how she made me feel, so i did it, we talked about it, we dated.
one year and six months, the time we stayed together.
i loved her with my whole heart, i gave my whole soul to her.
she would writte me poems and i would do the same, even though her's where definitely better.
there's a poem she wrote that i'll never forget, she wrote about burning, burning in hell, with me.
i loved all of her poems and all the little things she did, i cherished every moment i had with her.
but one day, we figured out it woudn't work, at first i didn't like that idea, but latter i realized it was for the best.
once i promised to her i would always think of her when i looked at the stars, i still do.
she's still my bestfriend and her friendship means the world to me, i swear.
but lord, only the gods know how many times i caught myself thinking "what if it lasted?" "what if...?"
i'll never get over my first love, after all she wasn't just my first love
she was my first kiss
she was my first heartbreak
she was my first... everything.

sometimes i still write poems about her, poems i never share, well, i shared one once, with her, but i didn't say "hey! that's about you!" i tought she would figure out, but she didn't.
"if there is someone who inspires you to write, that person is very lucky" she said.
would she consider herself lucky, if she knew?
i don't know, but i hope she knows how much i loved her one day and how much i still do, she'll always be my bestfriend.
i know we may be going through a difficult fase, i just wanted to let her know
i'm here for you, i'll always be

i'm just so glad my first love was my bestfriend.