Namjoon: Welcome to today's episode of the Joonbug Talks podcast.
Yoongi: And we have reached--
Namjoon: I'm not done talking.
Yoongi: ...
Namjoon: We have finally reached episode *69* and I'm sure many of our listeners here are unfamiliar with this number. Unlike me.
Yoongi: Really?
Namjoon: Is that even a question? Of course I know! I am an alpha, carnivore, and a real man. It's really not that hard once you crack the code.
Yoongi: Have you shared the code yet?
Namjoon: Ah, Yoongi. For any new listeners, Yoongi here is my latest pupil. I've taken him under my wing since he desperately needs my help in picking up women. He shakes like a leaf when he stands next to one!
Yoongi: That's not...sometimes.
Namjoon: Worry not, Yoongi. The same goes for everyone wondering how to pick up women. If you feel like you're clueless, awkward, you get poor reactions or are always losing them to other alphas...I'm your guy. You can't keep letting yourself get stepped on.
Yoongi: Today's episode is labeled the herbivore outcry. Any reason?
Namjoon: Glad you asked. So many guys whine why they can't get any girls when the answer is right in front of them! Approaching a female isn't hard and they're not that complicated whatsoever.
Yoongi: I don't know how you're so confident...
Namjoon: You say that as if you don't have eyes, Yoongi. I'm everything a female desires. It's in their human nature to want a tall, handsome, and strong man like me. I don't allow others to assert their dominance once I claim my territory. I mark my spots and I am successful every time. Becoming the Joonbug was almost second nature.
Yoongi: Are real women any good? I feel like they always like tall guys.
Namjoon: There you are with the whining. Real good women don't care and don't get me wrong. Real women are rare to find.
Yoongi: Is there ever a time where you prefer fictional women?
Namjoon: No, why would I--?
Yoongi: Because I do.
Namjoon: ...
Yoongi: I have a woman who may not be real to others, but she's real in my heart.
Namjoon: Er, right.
Yoongi: Her name is Sakura.
Namjoon: Good god.
Yoongi: This is actually the first time our listeners are hearing about her!!
Namjoon: I hoped this day would never come.
Yoongi: Sakura is my--um--girlfriend! Haha, how embarrassing to share this publicly.
Namjoon: Listeners, Sakura is literally just a sex doll who I'm forced to acknowledge in front of Yoongi.
Yoongi: She's not just a sex doll! She's quiet, nice--
Namjoon: She can't speak! Yoongi, she's not sentient!
Yoongi: F*ck you.
Namjoon: Okay.
Yoongi: Sakura is the most beautiful person you will ever meet.
Namjoon: Person?
Yoongi: Stop acting like she's not in the room with us!
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Joonbug Talks Podcast
HumorWant to learn how to pick up women? Tired of being a beta herbivore male? This podcast is for you. Hosted by (A Dream Come True) Namjoon and Yoongi. [Written by Dina. A Dream Come True is a story written by me on my individual account.]
