𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.Cato Hadley

14.

I see that the door to Peeta's room is open and out of pure curiosity, I decide to see if he is there too. I see him sitting by the window and looking through it as if that calms him down. I tell myself that I have to go to him to apologize.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey." He turns to me.

"It'll be good if you get some sleep."

"I don't want to miss the celebration. It's for us, after all." I can't disagree with him. All these people can't wait to see us tomorrow. "Aren't you going to go to sleep?"

"I wish, but I'm unlikely to be able to. I keep wondering what will happen tomorrow." I admit. For a second I wonder how Cato'll be able to sleep with all this in mind, but the thought is quickly put out of my mind.

"I don't think I can either. I keep thinking things." There is a slightly awkward silence after that. I'm not sure what to say to him, I don't know if we even need to talk. I shouldn't leave it like this, I don't want Peeta to hate me in our last days of life.

"I'm sorry about earlier. That I yelled at you, I shouldn't have reacted that way."

"Don't worry, it doesn't matter anymore. I know I have no chance of winning."

"Don't talk like that." I feel a little bad for Peeta for thinking this way. Did he really accept that he is going to die?

"Why not? It's true. At least I want to die like myself. Does this make sense?" I shake my head. How can anyone die as anyone but themselves? "I don't want them to change me there. To turn me into some mutt."

I feel terrible, like the most selfish person in the world. While I was making plans to beat everyone, Peeta wanted to keep himself as he was, before the Games.

"You're saying that you won't kill anyone?" I ask.

"No, I'm sure when the time comes I'll kill, just like everyone else. I can't surrender without a fight. I just wish I could think of a way to... show the Capitol that they don't own me. That I am more than just a pawn in these Games." I can't figure out exactly what he's trying to say. A pawn? None of us are pawns, everyone decides how to play the game in their way.

"I can't afford to think that way."

"Leave it. Don't overthink it, these are just my thoughts. You don't have to understand me, I just needed someone to tell it to. And maybe one day you'll figure out what I meant."

"We'll find out in time," I say.

~•~

At night I drift off into a nap, then I wake up again. I constantly think about how in the arena the true faces of all of us will be revealed, everyone will see who we are. Peeta and his words may just turn out to be a role he's been playing in front of me and Haymitch all along. And Cato... I'm not sure if I want to know who the real him is.

I can't let myself think about the kiss. Not because I don't want to, but because it's better for me. Who knows what's going on in his head, it could be a trap to think he has feelings for me. Even though I don't know what to feel, I don't want to think of things that will turn out to be wrong.

After these thoughts, I drift off once more.

~•~