Everything You've Come To Regret

40 | the burning light

"I haven't been home in forever," I told my mum, shrugging. "I just wanted to spend time here with you, is all."

"Alex could have come too," she said. "He's welcome here anytime, you know that."

I bit down on my lip, picking at the skin above my brow. "He has tons and interviews and stuff. We'll reschedule a visit together in the future. It's fine."

"I hope so," Dad added, sharing a look with Sophie.

"Are you saying my presence here is bothering you?"

He let out one of these honest laughs I rarely heard coming from him. Most of the time, I was the one provoking them. It was one of my own little moments of pride. And I hadn't felt very proud in the past few days.

Mum laughed too, and they decided that I was pretty convincing enough to let me breathe.

The living room was completely dark when we all started to fall asleep, the lights of the TV lighting each of our faces. I was lying on my mum's lap, my cheek warm from being squished against her jeans for so long. My dad had been softly snoring for a while too, his head rolled back in an uncomfortable-looking position. Sophie was the only one in bed, too exhausted by jet lag.

"See you tomorrow," I whispered to whoever was listening, groggily standing up.

The walk to my room was silent.

It was only after I'd brushed my teeth and prepared to go to bed, my body wrapped under the covers, that I started a video call with Alex. My heart was pumping in my chest, a certain sense of discomfort drying my mouth.

When he picked up, my mouth instantly curled up. He was wearing a tee shirt with some red designs, his hair shorter than before. I wanted to poke his nose and make him sigh, kiss his face and ask if he wanted to know a random fact I'd learned.

What the hell was I even doing here without him?

"Hey," Alex breathed with a smirk.

I was grinning by now, relaxing with every second.

You haven't done anything bad. You have your own reasons.

"Hey."

"I miss you," he said.

"God, I miss you too. Sorry I haven't called earlier."

"It's alright."

We smiled in silence for a few seconds, happy to just see each other after these days.

"How's Sophie doing?" Alex finally asked, moving around the room.

I heard the familiar crinkle of a pack of cigarettes and the flick of his lighter.

"Well, she's pretty sad and all. I don't think that's completely over, though," I lied.

Her bright and happy face flashing before my eyes contrasted with the lie I'd just told him–that she and her boyfriend had tragically broken up a week prior.

"My offer to come still stands," Alex said. "I can just pack a bag and be with you in a few hours."

I sighed, watching him take a long drag. This hole in my chest from missing him so much hadn't been in my plans. I'd planned everything with his help, but not the emotional part.

"As much as the idea of you dropping everything just to come out here comforts me, I'd never ask you to do that. You have more important things to do."

"Nothing is more important than you, baby."

I turned around in bed, keeping my gaze on him not to miss a second of his face.

Alex took another puff. "I grabbed two plates when I set the table. Fucking depressing."