Walking past my past
My tumultuous past which had once been my life
Memories of dark alleys
I venture deeper into the darkness of them
Watching the very things that got me here
I'm warned against delving deeper
But I'm far too gone to want to return
I'm told not to let them get me
But I'm a lot more gotten than I can hold back.
My past seems closer to me than my own breath
I can feel it, I can sense it, I can see it.
It's like I'm back to the past and watching my pasts in action.
Tears burn my eyes
I see what I should have done and avoided
I see what has brought me to my present
What shapes my current life
I see my mistakes
I wish I could turn back the hands of time
And change lots of things
But where I am, I can just sense my past and mistakes but not change them
It's all frustrating
I've seen enough that I want to go back to the present but it's hard, really hard.
I keep dwelling in my past
I keep going deeper instead
I'm encompassed completely by waves of regret.
A weight presses on my chest
This hell hole of a place is taking me deeper
But I've got to break free
I scream with all my might but, it doesn't work
I'm tired as streams of hot tears come flowing down my cheeks
I'm trapped..., Well, that's what I felt and thought
But then I realized I had and have been foolish
I haven't called unto God
Unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our Faith. My Faith!
I remember in His word that "the righteous cry, and the LORD heareth and delivereth them out of all their troubles".
I knew it then and then, it was only the Lord that could help me
I cry as I ask for His help and forgiveness for my foolishness.
I really don't want to be like this forever
It's sickening
I just want to live this present well and learn from my earlier mistakes and not dwell in 'em
I feel a wave of renewed hope as I cry for help
I see the light out of the dark tunnel I am in
It's a blinding light and,
It's at my reach,
I can get to it and,
I'll be free, I'll be fine,
I can be ok,
I can work my present and future into a new phase of greater things
Even if it isn't perfect, I'm on it with God
My future is secured
And that's all that matters.
