A Few White Lies

2. Confession

We walk in silence to Lan Zhan's apartment. I take side glances at Lan Zhan, trying to gauge his mood. But his face is stoical and blank as usual.

I don't know what to say to break the silence. I'm still wondering how I'm going to confess. I should've done it ages ago! But how did I know Lan Zhan would get me a motorbike? I expected drinks at our favourite place. Lan Zhan knows I love drinking. He seemed to be in deep thought too.

"Lan Zhan" I called to get him out of his thoughts.

"Mn" he responded. So he was back to his minimum speech again. Gone was the smile and excitement! This worried me, did he guess something was amiss? My anxiety increased tenfold.

"Lan Zhan, are you okay?" I asked, I felt guilty that he lost his enthusiasm and excitement because of me. My face had dropped and I was feeling bad.

Lan Zhan looked at me, his eyes seemed to want to read my soul. I quickly looked away and decided it was safer to buy some time. We were standing at his front door.

"Lan Zhan open the door already, I'm parched. I need a drink!" I really needed a strong drink to get through whatever was coming. Why was I always getting myself into these troubles?

'Because you're an idiot!' Jiang Cheng's voice echoed in my head. Yeah, he was right though. Sometimes I just don't think things through. Well, okay most of the time I act before I really thought about the consequences of my impulsive actions. Even when both Jiang Cheng and my sister, Yanli advise me it's a bad idea. Somehow, I still manage to make a mess of things.

I found myself in Lan Zhan's familiar living room. Simple white furniture and minimum decor. Lan Zhan loved his whites and blues.

"Tea?" Lan Zhan asked.

"Have you got anything stronger?" I asked, I needed something to calm my nerves.

Lan Zhan stared at me for a moment. I knew he could see I was stressed because he didn't comment on why I would drink alcohol now, if I was going to ride my shiny new motorbike after?

"Mn" he said and disappeared, giving me time to think about how to start?

I could just say... hmm I should just tell the truth. I mean I didn't even know how to cover it up! I told him I loved bikes. Rode a whole load of them. So how can I deny it now? Oh my God! Why do I do these things?

"Wei Ying!" Lan Zhan called loudly.

'Oh my God, how long was he calling me,' I thought.

"Ah Lan Zhan! Thank you" I said taking the drink and sitting on the white leather armchair. I held the glass and looked at him before draining the glass. I needed more than one drink for this!

Lan Zhan frowned but poured another. Which I promptly drained and then I got up and started pacing towards the picture on the wall. It was new, all black and white except for the vivid red of the motorbike in the centre.

"Is this new?" I asked. "Lan Zhan bought another colour other than white and blue?" I laughed and turned to meet his eyes. He stared at me deeply.

"Yes" he said simply. "Wei Ying is nervous. Why?"

I should've known he would notice my nervousness. We knew each other too well by now. I looked down at my feet like an errant child.

"Wei Ying can tell me!" Lan Zhan said waiting patiently. He was back to minimum words too.

"I... I..." I looked up at him. He looked at me with his usual patience, waiting quietly. After I paced around. I sat down and had another glass. Lan Zhan sipped his tea. We looked at each other.

"I'm sorry" I said miserably. "I know I'm stupid! Please forgive me! I didn't mean it!" I said and I got up and was staring at him.

"Wei Ying doesn't like the motorbike?" Lan Zhan concluded! A slight crease of his brows as he tried to make sense of what I had just said.

"Motorbike?" I was confused when it hit me I was apologising before explaining?!

"No I mean... sort of." I wasn't making sense to myself by this point. I paced around the room and then grabbed another glass of Gusu Smile my favourite wine! Lan Zhan really knew me well. He only stocked this wine for me. He never drinks.

"I'll start from the beginning." I said, nodding at my decision. "Please listen to me before making any decisions! Please. Please. Promise me Lan Zhan?" I sat next to him on the large sofa, our bodies angled towards each other. I grabbed his hands in mine, I didn't want him to leave me before I explained!

Lan Zhan looked down at our hands, his frown deepening but he said nothing in protest. I was too anxious to remember Lan Zhan hated skinship!

"Sorry" I said and let go of his hands. Lan Zhan gently took my hands in his and held on. I was too shocked to notice his ears were pink again.

"Speak and I will listen" Lan Zhan reassured me with a squeeze of my hands. I looked from our joined hands to his face. I gave him a weak smile.

"Well, when I first met you I had wanted to befriend you. So I knew you liked motorbikes and I said I did too." I spoke hesitantly. "I mean I really do like them now. I love riding them with you too." I stated slowly, looking down at my hands held in his. It was keeping me grounded and focussed.

"I knew you would be friends with me if I liked bikes too. And I was right! But I kind of fudged somethings..." I quickly glanced up at him.

Lan Zhan's brow was no longer creased but blank as usual. Our eyes met and I quickly looked down in guilt. The silence stretched and I knew he was waiting. He squeezed my hands in encouragement.

I smiled looking at my hands held securely in his hands. "Lan Zhan... I really treasure our friendship! I don't want anything to ruin it!" I looked over at my wine glass.

"No!" Lan Zhan stated firmly. He was right, I had about 4 rounds already. Although I could take more than double that!

"Lan Zhan is so mean!" I mumbled. I looked up in time to see Lan Zhan actually roll his eyes like my brother! I giggled before seeing he was staring at me.

When did our bodies draw so close to each other on the sofa? My knee was now gently touching his and our bodies were facing each other. My heart pounded at the deep look in his eyes. I looked down and swallowed.

"Ok... the thing is... well I do like motorbikes but... about riding one... I think I need to try a tricycle first!" I blurted out in a low voice with my head down.

"What?" Lan Zhan gasped, his stoical face was gone. Shock was written all over his face.

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