Finding My Yellow Brick Road

Chapter Six - The Trials

"I love you, Dorothy, more than life itself. You're like the daughter I never had."

My heart stops. I remember this. It was just a couple weeks after Daddy died. Dorothy had wandered off in a store, and I went to go find her, but when I returned, unsuccessful, I heard this exact conversation going on in the next aisle.

"I love you too, Aunt Em."

"You are the most important thing in my life. Don't you ever forget that."

My mama has always been the type of person with a limited amount of love. She can only love one person at a time. First, it was Daddy, and then it was Dorothy. I know she loves me, but it's just not the same. I know she wishes she never had me.

Don't you see, Baby? A strange voice in my head says. It's only a whisper, but it's so loud I can feel it in my brain, and I wince. Your mama doesn't love you.

"Stop it!" I yell, covering my ears; of course, it doesn't work, because the voice is in my head.

She wishes Dorothy was her daughter instead of you!

"Shut up!" I fall to the floor, my head pounding with every heartbeat.

In fact, the voice continues thoughtfully, she wishes you were never born at all!

I squeeze my eyes shut and bang my fist on my head, trying to make the voice go away.

Your mama's never loved you! She only kept you around for your daddy! When he died, she was finally free from you!

"Stop, stop, stop," I chant, beginning to rock back and forth.

You've never been good enough for her! You're too rebellious and hard-headed!

"Make it stop, please!" I can feel blood pouring out of my ears, and I bang my head harder, trying to knock the voice out.

You will never be good enough! Not for your mama, not for your friends, not for anybody! Look where you are now! You can't even protect yourself! How can you protect your friends?

"No, no, please . . ." I breathe, as my nose begins to gush blood.

Get up! You're a pathetic waste of space! Get up!

I fight to rise to my feet, stumbling around blindly. I can't see. Everything is red.

Red,

red,

red,

all around me.

"Please, no more . . ." I beg, sniffling.

You're nothing. Nothing. Nothing!

I take another step, but there's nothing there, only air, and I'm falling, down, down, down a flight of stairs. I hit my head, and the breath is knocked out of me.

"Baby? Baby!" I hear someone calling my name, but it's so far away . . .

You're nothing . . . the voice echoes in my ears, and I succumb to blissful nothingness.

I open my eyes groggily, but everything is still red. I rub my eyes vigorously, and they come away red. I was crying blood. My ears are ringing, but the mysterious voice is thankfully gone.

I quickly stand up, and my head spins. I cling to the wall, stumbling around, still looking for my friends. The sky is different. I realize I'm outside, no longer underground.

"Baby, Baby, take it easy!" A voice tells me.

"No! No, I have to find Dorothy! I have to find my friends . . ." I say, but two large, cold objects come around my chest, and I realize they're arms. Strong, tin arms. I struggle to get away, but they hold me fast.