Waiting On A Miracle | Post Malone

4

He was beginning to stir, could feel the light beginning to burn behind his eyes when he heard tapping on the window beside him. His eyes shot open and it took a second for the events of last night to fall into place in his mind as he played catch up.

Then he saw her.

Her soft brown hair was braided on either side of her head, her cheeks and the tip of her nose were red from the cold Texas air. Soft snow flakes were falling on her, delicately covering the soft blue puffer jacket she had on. She was holding a steaming hot mug in her hands as she waited patiently for him to open the door or roll down the window or acknowledge her in any way.

He knew he needed some kind of barrier between them so figured rolling down the window would be the safest option. His brain was still clouded heavily with sleep and he hadn't thought of the fact that the engine was off and the window was electric. He fussed about trying to find the keys for a second before managing to unlock the doors, quickly pushing it open as she took a step back out of the way.

"Morning." He tried to fake a smile, tried to act like him spending the night in a car out the front of her house wasn't straight out of a fucking true crime documentary.

She passed him the hot mug of coffee, concern and confusion heavy on her face. "You okay?" She asked before he nodded back.
"You sober?" She asked as his face fell, his shattered heart breaking even more with her question. He held her eyes as he nodded back to her, he couldn't blame her for asking.

"Come inside and get warm." She turned and began making her way back to the house before waiting for his response.

***

His eye lids fluttered open as he struggled to focus on his unknown surroundings.

He remembered the fight with his dad, remembered taking off and parking outside the blue house. He remembered waking up in his car and... Oh Fuck!

He tried to squint, to keep his eyes as closed as possible as he checked for her before he heard footsteps coming closer.

"The sudden stop in snoring is kinda a give away..." She placed another mug of hot coffee on the table in front of him.

"I don't snore." He defended as he sat himself up on the couch, reaching forward for his mug.

"Okay..." She conceded easily as she climbed onto the armchair and tucked her legs underneath her, the smirk on her face telling him she was giving him the easy win.

They sat in silence as they each drank their coffees, their eyes flicking back and forth between them as they silently sized each other up. He felt like he was in some twisted game of chicken as to who would speak first.

"This is so much harder than I even imagined it would be. Being here, seeing everyone. Seeing you."

"I'm sorry Austin." Her voice was soft, a heavy element of defeat to it.

"It's not your fault."

"But me being here obviously isn't helping."

He wanted to tell her it wasn't true and that her presence was reassuring, but he couldn't lie to her, not again. He sat silently, taking another sip of his coffee, fuck why did it always taste so much better when she had made it? It was literally beans and fucking water.

"Can you please let your parents know I won't be there tomorrow."

His eyes shot up to her, the visual of her sitting there so deflated and instant pain to his chest. "Kendra."

"The last thing I want is to make this harder on you. My being here is selfish and unfair. I've said my goodbyes."

"Why did you tell me you've only been here a week?" He challenged, already sure he knew the answer. He knew her well enough to know she was trying to protect him albeit undeservedly.

"I didn't want you to feel bad." At least she was being honest he supposed, but her acknowledging the fact just infuriated him.

"You felt sorry for me. You were trying to protect me from seeing what a piece of shit grandson I am."

"That's not..."

"After fucking everything, you're still trying to protect me? I'm that fucking weak that I couldn't handle knowing..."

"Jesus Christ Austin get over yourself." Her voice was raised as she interrupted him, shutting him up immediately. "You are shoved so far up your own ass you don't see anyone else around you. No one is saying you're a shit son or grandson, stop putting words in our mouths. And since when is trying to stop someone from being hurt a fucking crime? You're right, I was trying to protect you, I was trying to stop you from feeling guilty because if he'd known the truth do you think he would have wanted you here? You were where you needed to be, that doesn't make you a bad fucking person nor does it make me feel sorry for you."

He watched open mouthed as she erupted at him. Fuck he hadn't been called out like that for a long time, he wasn't sure if it was refreshing or demoralising.
He was a little too shell shocked to respond right away.

He watched as she wriggled uncomfortably in her seat, her guilt beginning to consume her. "I'm sorry Austin..."

"You should come tomorrow. You have every right to be there. He'd want you there." He downed the rest of his coffee knowing he needed to get out of her house. He needed to put more space between them as soon as humanly possible.

"Austin..."

"I want you there." He stated as he grabbed his dad's keys and quickly made his way to the door.