➹ LEFT TO LOSE ➷ chishiya s.

➸ CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

"But," You gained your grip back, but this time it was tighter than before, like you were holding onto Chishiya for your dear life. "What do I do if I run into Banda?"

Truth was, Chishiya had been thinking of the same thing ever since you got back to the hospital. How couldn't he? Banda kidnapped you, proceeded to mentally and physically torture you, then is allowed to run away freely? That wasn't fair, but Chishiya and you both have already learned that lesson from life. He seriously debated on going with you just to be your shield from Banda, even if he couldn't make it out alive in the end. However, leaving you alone isn't fair to you either. Neither of you know if your mother is alive, so imagining your face at an empty hospital room made Chishiya feel uneasy. He couldn't let that happen, he couldn't let you be alone again.

That's why Chishiya took a deep breath before finalizing his answer. "You kill him."

Your heart skipped two beats, then picked up its paste drastically compared to a few seconds ago. Technically, you've killed before, but not physically by your own hands. You've been fortunate enough to get past the games that physically pin people against each other, though that doesn't completely clean your hands. People have died by your decisions, by your voice, by your actions. But all those other times, you had to, for the sake of the game, and this was different. Killing Banda would be for your own sake, to allow you to rest easily at night knowing that you took the last of breath of the psychopath who murdered your entire family with no remorse.

You were afraid. Not because of the fight he'd put against you, no, you were afraid at the fact that you wanted to kill him. You weren't afraid of losing the final battle, you were afraid knowing that you'd do anything it took to make him suffer like you did. You weren't afraid of jabbing a knife into his body, you were afraid of admiring the look of his eyes drain into nothing. You weren't afraid of him, you were afraid of yourself.

Chishiya noticed the silence all too well, which made him second-guess his choice of words, a hesitation he wasn't used to quite yet. So, he changed the subject. "Did you read your journal yet?"

"Oh, yeah," You sparkled at the new topic, staring down in complete awe at the journal in question. "I didn't want to finish it all in one night though, so I'm only reading two or three entries everyday."

Chishiya hummed with a smile turning up, "And... what did you find out?"

You turn your head to look at a discarded chair in the corner of the room, seeming to have been flipped over on its side and never touched for a long time. "They were all about my mom," You smiled at the object, imagining it turned upright with your mother sitting on it. "I described all of her physical features, even what type of clothes she wore, and the meals she'd bring for me at the hospital. I guess I was afraid of forgetting her the most... and yet I did anyway. But now that I have this, I can imagine her in my head a lot better."

Chishiya offered a sympathetic smile, another gesture he wasn't used to. You've always managed to push him further out of his small comfort zone ever since your first conversation, only as doctor and patient. Then, it turned into friend and friend, wanting to learn more about each other that other people can't see from the outside. Finally, boyfriend and girlfriend, although neither of you used that title. You were just two people in love, and Chishiya wanted to be those people with you again.

"She was a beautiful woman, and I'm not just referring to her looks." You listened carefully to his words, Chishiya could see them being engraved into your brain the more he spoke. "She was quite the nature lover, a tender heart for the smallest flower to the biggest wild animal. She was painfully optimistic about everything, still making sure to see a smile on your face even when she couldn't bring herself to reflect one. She paid so much attention to the little things, like organizing your afternoon food tray even though you didn't care about presentation." Chishiya took a deep breath, blinking to look at the chair behind him. "Hana Chinen was truly beautiful."